Deep Secrets of My Heart

Ever After (not what you would expect)

2007-02-24T21:19:00.000-08:00

ok.... before reading this you must think of it in an old english accent... thats soft, breathy in nature to really enjoy it as its meant.... and besides its fun! So here we go...

The absurdity that is one's head.... that is one's heart....
How fickle it must be....how blind to its breathtaking beauty....
...the longing.... the lonely.... pulled between two traps.... one not even so.... the other..... pitiful comfort.... tis a shameful array.....
... feelings tied to beiefs on the contrary.... life, seemingly incomprehensive in the worst of ways.. a pit of warmth of embrace..... those who accompany gawk... staring, rather most intently.... at its dreadful happiness... losing its uttermost function in the process of barely tolerable....the bliss of a miss....
...foolish skantering carcuses flitter about.... their middaystrols, a frivilous task most enjoyable....
... the masks suiting and satisfying to commenors.... discoveries of old mustent be seen or told.... an impertanance.... courtship between love and understanding.... a thing which could not hold any ground.....
why must this be...... silence in a place where life is.... questions..... the infamis IF that so lay before..... in its silence it mocks.... ridicules the permissive in its place.... the impulse flushed away.... yet again with another day...

Matchy Matchy

2007-01-30T09:59:00.000-08:00

Ok... this is an interactive post! I decided that my posts have been pretty serious of late and i decided to add a dash of fun into it!
Do you ever hear a song and immediatly someones name or face pops into your head? I am definatly a music person and this happens to me quite frequently! I am going to list some songs and then some people and i want you to try and match them! Ready? Here we go!

1. Comfortable- By John Mayer
2. Your the One that i Want- Greace
3. Put it on Me- Ja Rule
4. Popular Decision- Laurell Hubick (she is amazing for those who haven't heard of her!!)
5. Butterfly KIsses- Bob Carlisle
6. BBQ Stain- Tim Mcgraw

A. Jason Downey
B. My sister/ Megs Abbruzzes
C. Robbie Penny
D. Connie Roy
E. Justin Wright
F. Dezy Caloette

Happy matching! Good luck be blessed and have a fun day! Me

Crash Test Dummy

2007-01-15T12:02:00.000-08:00

Driving down the road of life.... so blissfully, innocently sweet... the road perfectly set in my path... there wasn't any bumps, no car wrecks on this road.... this is the road of life...of love...
My vehicle, suddenly out of control, out of my hands really...bashing into my front window...leaving a hole inside...bleeding...bruised....broken....shattered on the ground....
out of the fumbled mess i pick myself back up....scared from the happenings... pulling it together... getting back into the mangled vehicle..... not knowing which direction.....
I start down a road.... running into difference.... into happenings... thinking all the while that this was the way... that it was the road i was to be on.... in my mind it was safe... in my mind it was a road deemed as 'healthy'..... it wasn't.
The view of myself..... the observation of others..... the concept of love.... left mangled and tainted.
the road left my vehicle eventually broken down... left my heart down and out.... finally my vehicle stops.... it cannot take anymore... frusterated and lonely i get out... sit by the side of the road and cry....
i look up.... all i see is light.... feeling my body strengthen, i stand... a path is set to my right... i start towards it... pushing through the trees... pushing past the pain.... discovering things i never knew i had... branches 'round pulling, scrapping viciously.... tearing, being stripped of the filth and rags...
comming out of the journey....seeing my Fathers' face.... feeling fresh and new....full of grace...
a brand new car sits in front of me... I am given the keys... i have the choice... do i trust this road... or do i run back to the old...
how do i know if the vehicle is safe.... how will i know its the right path... i simply don't.
I must choose... do i trust... do i follow.... or head my own way... am i careless and miss what i am to have... or do i stay the direction of course... if i turn, i will end up in the mess again... if i stay the course... i might regain what was ment for me...
As i stare at the car... pondering my choice... my hand is taken, to have and to hold... warm assurance as i bravely take that step...

Journeys are hard... take a moment to ponder.... think of your journey and life, think of the love and direction you are headed... and be love.

There may be a possible part two to this but i am not sure just yet~ Anyway, be blessed and have a great day!

Invisible

2006-12-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

can you see me?

do you feel... lurking deep inside.....

do you care?

to try beyond the normal calling..... to love even when i am falling

will you be there?

when everyone else fades away.... when all is lost and there is no more bright of day

can you see my tears? do you know my fears?

do you want to care?

or do you choose to see an empty case.... you show no mercy or grace

my call ... no.... your expectation.... set me up to fall

and i now only but shadow and dust..... my love no longer a must

fading.... slipping..... scrunching in..... curled.... covering my wounds..... ashamed of the naked battered.... scared...... to long.... to love...... to be what i am..... simply woman.....
night quickly devours.... the wind sucks dry.... storms brew a deadly gauze .... and still you pass by
a sit here lingering.... wondering if i will ever have what i long for..... perhaps too messed up.... too battered to treat.... not even good enough to seat..... my heart is loss in an endless wish

C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S!

2006-11-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys!!! Christmas is SOOOO soon around the corner! I have all of the corney Christmas music up and running as a constant! This past weekend was the anual Christmas banquet at Vangaurd which i enjoy every year not because it emans that we only have a few more weeks of school but because of all the awesoem people i get to see there! With all our crazy scheduals i find its hard to see one another and as i sit here... big sweater on...Christmas music palying.... and a warm cup in my hand (yeay starbux!).... i realize just how much i cherish those moments! Even if i dont get to spend a copious amount of time with you guys it was awesome to see you! Megs, connie, sasha, birdie, andrea, carissa and her beau dan, zerban, andrew, robbie, riley and everyone else that i haven't mentioned! Its funny how we come together..... how most people are a little bit nicer, show a little bit more love at Christmas than any other season of the year! Its FANTASTIC! I always find that even on the day we celebrate Jesus's birthday that He still pours out His love on us like its our birthday! Do me a fav if you can.... 1) try to tell at least 10 people that you love them before school ends (b4 Christmas) 2) Do something nice thats out of your way for 3 people 3) Curl up with someone you love and enjoy it!

In the Christmas spirit if you could put your fav Christmas tradition or thing to do at Christm,as that would be fantastic! Be blessed guys!

I Told You So....

2006-11-08T15:23:00.000-08:00

My life... an empty bliss of glorious crushing....my heart... saddened from the lack
stabbing pains remind me of my greatest fear.... watching from a distance.... shedding tears
the preposterous cycle....draining in and of itself....with longing on the shelf
what i want placed aside.... the task before me swallowing up my very being....my failures all too evident for me to ignore

I sit with my tear stained book....longing..... wanting to cultivate my desires.... but caught in the whirlwind that has so entrapped me
my time is limited.... the visits are short....as it comes to a close.... i face the haunting.... i face the hurting
through it all...i would not change a thing....my heart is left warm from the inflammation scaring.... my hand is left cold
It is better this way.... i have done my part....the role i play no longer needed....and off you go with your heart

perhaps i am too vulnerable....too bare you say....but you left better than you came.... and from that it will never be the same
...as you fade and gently slip away....i turn to see the bright of day.... i stand proud of what you, yourself have become.... and noticed that the cycle has now begun...

We all have cycles in our lives. We all have hearts. This is the good, the saddenned part. Enjoy it... this piece i mean.... if not at least perhaps my heart will be seen.

Supports

2006-10-31T19:56:00.000-08:00

So lately i have been thinking about support systems~ This is probably due to school in that with every clinical situation that a nurse looks at there is always some aspect of support; whether that be a support group or support from families or you as the nurse lending support through the healing process.

From their i took a joust at my own life and all its happenings... looking at what's healthy and what's not healthy. From this i see 2 extremes: 1) support via friends and 2) support via self-sufficient methods.

Lets take a look at support via friends. Now, i know what some are thinking... friends are good, you want to have supportive friends to help you in your walk. This is true... a wise lady once told me that she can tell who you are by the friends you have.... friends can make a BIG difference in life. The extreme that i am looking at is instead of friends as supports, one uses friends as lifters and carriers. What i mean by this is that sometimes we put all of our weight on our friends, expecting that they can carry us and all of our baggage; expecting that they wont let us down, dissapoint us or hurt us. .... Perhaps our friends can even carry us for a length of time... but eventually they fall or have to let us down due to pure exhaustion! So, in our need we find another person to carry us cause we think we can't walk on our own and we are afraid to let go of the 'grounding' baggadge that we have carried for so long.

If you find yourself the 'weight' in situation one geuss what? You CAN do this... believe it or not you CAN stand on your own! Take care! Their is one that can carry ALL of your weight plus more! His name is Jesus, He is one that will never hurt you, never leave you nor forake you! Yes, its scary to trust in Him, however you will spare alot of lost friendships, hurt and pain if you go to Him! If you find yourself the carrier..... stop. I know you WANT to help your friend and its good to support them (ie. love on em) but its not good for you or your friend for you to be carrying their weight. This does not mean that when they fall that you can't lend a hand (the bible talks about woe is the man who falls and doesn't have anyone to help him up) it doesn't mean that you can't help occationally with carrying a burden to the Lord (anyone recognize that one?), encouraging them, lifting them in prayer. These are all good things... but there is a danger zone when you take the role that only God alone can fill! He does it best! Do you trust that God will take care of your friend that you care for so much? I know... its a tough statement to swallow... Will you love them when they have fallen for the 800th time? Will you be there for them if they react in offense and be able to love them in spite? Tough questions. Sometimes this offense will come accross in anger, like you are doing something wrong, like you have failed them adn should feel horrible for doing so. Please... don't reciprocate this. They are usually reacting because they are hurt, no its not all you. It takes 2 to be in a relationship.... it takes 2 to have a fight or in extreme cases end the friendship. Do not take ALL the blame. However, one must be sensitive to the other, pointing out their faults is not going to do anything, blaming it all on them wont do it either. The Bible talks about turning and offering your other cheek! Right now, they need your love and support more than ever, even though they may not realize or even want it for that matter. Keep going, your words ARE making a difference, be encouraged!

Now, for the next support extreme... can i get a "whoop whoop" for the independants in the house? lol Ok, i admit, alot of times i get stuck in this one... the "i can do it on my own", "i don't want to burden anyone with this", or "I can only rely on God cause He wont ever let me down like people" types. Even Jesus had diciples or a 'support' per say. Now, for those of you saying 'but Jesus only relied on God', yes that is true. I am not saying to that you must rely on people, that would be foolish. However, fellowship is a wonderful thing and it can be tapped into. Where there is light darkness flees.... you see that when you go into a room, you can have the smallest light but where that light shines darkness is not there! It is the same when you bring your burdens into the light. It does not have to be a lonely struggle. Should you expect your friends to be perfect, no. Should you rely on them as your source of healing, no. BUT they do aide the process. Notice how it says in the Bible that where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name there I will also be.... this does not say one... it says 2 or 3. Not saying that God wont meet you where your at, or that their MUST be others involved but it brings a powerful (exponentially) aspect to it.

Anyway, those are my thoughts! I thought i would stop there due to the length of it! It actually is something i would like to speak about one day! Perhaps i will... but for now, i hope that you enjoyed it! Be blessed and have a fantastic day!~

Its Josh's Birthday!

2006-10-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hey all! I would just like to anounce that it is Josh's birthday today! You may wish this amazing man happy birthday but please ladies... hands off, he IS taken! So hun, enjoy your day... you deserve it just for you! You rock my socks and blow me away EVERY day! Thank-you for the blessing you are and will continue to be! Thank-you for your heart, your joy, your strength, your laughter, your patience, your willingness! Its so wonderful! May this day and the upcoming year be full of blessing! May God be in your heart and life and may you walk with Him always! Love ya!

Salt Water

2006-10-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

Well, today is cold and rainy and the last thing i feel like doing is my homework and studying for finals! So here i am writing to you lovely folks! In church today pastor talked about us being the salt of the earth... now i know most of you (especially if you have grown up in the church) know that yes, we are supposto be the salt of the earth.... BUT even though it seems like not much could come out of this i got HUGE revelation on it! It could be just because i am in nursing but i looked at salt from a medical point of view~ What do you do to a blister that has poped or a cut that you want to heal? You soak it in salt water! Now, i have had to do this many times and its not the most pleasant experience in the world... and that is especially true if the wound is infected or open. Alot of poeple who haven't met Jesus have those wounds, they have been hurt somehow, whether self-inflicted or not, and when the "salt of the earth" comes around (a.k.a. people with Christ inside) then it hurts! What do people do when it hurts or stings? The pull away from it! So what made you keep your hand in the stingi salt water as a child? I know for me it was my mom.... someone i trusted... someone that, even though it was painful, trusted that she knew what was best.... someone that loved me and had proven that love over and over again..... someone that didn't want me to change but just to be healed... and in that process of healing was changed! ....Let me say that again... in that PROCESS of healing i was CHANGED! ......
I wondered how many times i was shocked and disappointed that people that didn't have Jesus reacted badly to the "salt" living in me? How many times have i forgotten the importance of process and love? My prayer is that i grasp this.... then mabey a few more will be able to stand the salt and heal because of it! Be blessed and have an awesome day!

Update on School: 1 Poster presentation, a poster eval, and 4 finals! WHOOHOO!

Life Walk

2006-10-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

Now before the shocks and gasps, yes, i am taking 15min to post! I had an interesting revelation today! My walk, my calling is not going to get easier with time. Just let that sink in... This life that i live, what i am called to sacrifice, the steps OUT of the comfort bubble.... they are going to increase! Just as with all things in life, we learn, we are challenged, we overcome! BUT it doesn't stop there, no, you go into a cyclical spin getting higher and higher..... getting closer and closer to God! On this journey you have to leave some things becuase you reach points where you CAN'T cary it any longer.... wheather this is pain, "needs" or wants, YOU(in a sense)! I know my calling, i AM called to ministry and not 'normal life' ministry (if anything can be considered normal)! On this journey, its like you are going up those parkade spirals.... you don't know whats around the corner, you don't know if there will be an opening or how that opening will work, sometimes you feel as if you can't go on, BUT you keep climbing anyway~ You face obsticals, and overcome them, but they seem to increase the further up you go, you feel as if you don't have the strength due to the fatigue you feel. Sometimes you stop and rest, sometimes you stagger backward, sometimes you have that glorious level of sunshine, fresh air and refreshing! In the end, when we finally meet our glorious maker we will look at the path, look at Him and say "it was worth it"!
Radical life doesn't mean fun life, dosen't mean safe life, doesn't mean easy life.... it DOES mean a fulfilling life, a rewarding life! Want next level blessing? It may mean you may have next level walking... it increases as you increase in skill.... in fruit!
So it means i must learn, i must grow if i want the things of God as i say i do.... i must content, i must perserver in the midst of chaos...... i will run the race, i will overcome!

P.S. Update on school: 1 poster project, 3 papers, a self eval and 4 finals to go!!! I am almost there guys! YAAAAA! I can actually BE friends with you soon!!! Its SO exciting! HAve a great thanksgiving! Muchlov to all of you!

Quick Update!

2006-09-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

This is for those who are wondering 'where is Dawn?'! Well i will tell you! I am in a study prison... it is no longer a cave but has upped itself into a prison! Yes, i know, you are thinking 'Dawn you are just over-exaggerating'....i kid you not, i exaggerate none! By October 24th-ish i will have written 12 papers (i only have 8 more to go), completed 3 mid terms (only 2 to go), written 1 self eval, read a copious amount of chapters and pages and taken 4 finals! Yes, i know...it IS maddness! I WILL get through it (even though sometimes i dont believe it myself and freak-out) but i do appologise for not spending time with y'all! Please do not interpretate the study prison for me just not wanting to call or talk or hang out! At the begining of November-ish my life slows down in the study prison area! Then i am in clinical and wont have to write a googal amount of papers~ So intill then, remember that when you reach the end of yourself is when God takes over (He's better at it anyway). Remember that when you want to cry because you are so stressed or frusterated.... thats when its time to stop....... breathe.......... and just be loved! Be blessed, love you all!
I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Deep Ocean Revolution

2006-09-12T14:21:00.000-07:00

I love to love with the depths of my soul
for it is only love that makes us whole.
This is love without condition
a love that makes no impostitions.
A love thats warm and tender you see
I want this love to flow out of me!
Love at its purest is love
its light, peaceful like a dove.
Where there is love there is no hate...
this is a love we all should demonstrate.
Where there's no hate; where forgiveness is near
being in this place drives out fear.
Then people could come, one and all
and allow their masks to drop and fall~

This love is faithful; this love is true
this love can make all things new!
Let us learn to love with care
to open our hearts to stop being unaware!!!
This world could be a better place you see
but this revolution must start in me!

Love;choice

2006-09-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

First off i am pretty sure it will be a love blog month....just to warn you in advance(!)...and I was reading my wonderful friend Carissa's blog and had some stuff i wanted to say about the words of wisdom on her blog! She wrote "Freewill: I want you to want to Be with me". This was my reaction. I see it in so many different lights: first, i think of Jesus (as corney as that may be) and how His love doesn't demand but gives us the choice! Second i think of relationships; how true love is selfless; how it want to be with the other no matter how many bolders are in the way. Last i thought about my relationship with my father, just like so many other broken relationships i understand the deep yearning of this want but that want not being fulfilled by that someone. Its amazing how people thrive on love.... how it is the makings or breakings of a person. It is easy to start a friendship...it is hard to maintain it because it requires love... but not the 'love' that we all think... this love is a love that trusts when it is hurt... it is a love that forgives when it has been wronged.... it is a love that loves even when it is unhappy or disagrees! I believe we get loving people and giving our hearts away mixed up! You CAN love AND gaurd your heart! It is possible to love with everything you have and have your heart in one piece! God has just been reminding me that if our eyes are on God and what He can do instead of people and what they can do (either for us or just in general) our hearts can face any storm that comes our way! Therefore, it should be EASY for us to love and love with a full love..... but its a choice and you can not force someone to love you... you can only love them and hope that they love you in return. They may, or may not but does that make them any less in need of our love? I'll end it with this... i challenge you to love today... find someone that you haven't said, "i love you" in awhile and say it.... and mean it! Be blessed, muchlov!!

I'M BACK!!!

2006-08-28T23:40:00.000-07:00

Well, i have had a crazy coupple of months! I did my first gate run on the FIRST week of camp! God stretched me in ways that i didn't think i could be stretched! We had 856 campers come to Christ this summer which was amazing! God told me that it would be a summer of healing and it was... i was witness to at least one person every week (usually more) gain physical healing! PRAISE GOD! What a miraculous God we do serve! Even though it saddens me to see summer come to its close, i am excited for what God has planned for the year! I know that God wants to open some doors for me and i believe that in His timming that it will be beautifully blessed! I am excited to see my friends... Sasha, Connie-lov, Megs....so many that i can't wait to see... but so many that i will missespecially one certian someone! May God's protection be over you all! It is diferent being back... i have stopped to reminess of the beloved poo fountian, the shoe war, our laugh attack and cold watter in Andrea's shower, the bee fiasco, the late night sneek to the pool,captian chaos, running after Rachelle in the dark, meeting Josh's family for the first time, late night strolls and prayer walks.... all the wonderful happenings of the summer! It truely was a remarkable summer! One huge thing that i recieved revelation on was that i tend to jump into things without first breaking things off in the spiritual rhelm! This revelation was most profound to me and i even had a chance to fix it and it makes SO much more of an impact than you think it would! Another point was grace, God tested me on my grace giving abilities and grew that peice of fruit in my life.... it was wonderful in the end but when i was going through it it was not pleasant! People need love, people need grace... we must allow those we love to make mistakes in order to grow! Not showing them love can be the most detrimental thing in their life when they are making a mistake! As humans we are never perfect... thats why we need the Lord with His mighty love and grace! I am SO thankful that when i make a mistake that i serve a God who is bigger than i who wont leave me because i make a bad decision or go in a wrong direction, that just kinda hit me tonight...how much He really does love me! I will end this little rant by being thankful for friends that love me unconditionally, thank-you..... for family that doesn't really have the choice but chooses to love me anyway, thank-you,.... to my special friend, who loves every part of me, even the parts i dont like, thank you hun!!! Be blessed you guys, see you soon!

I'm off once again!

2006-06-13T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well, it is that time of year! Summer has FINALLY arrived for Dawn! School is now officially over and i get a week worth of rest before i start my engines again! I am looking forward to this summer with anticipation (yes its has past the 'i am absolutely petrified' stage to where i am completely and utterly pumped to go...i like the word utterly! lol)! It is bliss... being in ministry, surrounded by great friends, family, loved ones, being stretched and used by God, pouring into other's lives, creating and maintaining friendships... seriously you CAN'T get any better than that! This is gunna be a tough summer... not gunna lie (goulet!)... but its going to be amazing! I am ALREADY being stretched and the summer hasn't even started! I have been blessed lately with people who are willing to smack me in the head *coughconniecough* and those who understand and can relate in ways *coughsashacough*! My girls have been a source of joy in allowing me to see their breakthrough, see their hearts! I have had some great suprizes that i have cherished and some honest heart to hearts with some of my dearest of friends that warm my heart! Honesty is one of the coolest things ever! I love it when people have the freedom to just talk and share what's on their heart without fear of losing one they love! mmmm... the power of the word love, the deep, invigorating meaning behind those that say it! It can change someone's day, lighten a mood... perhaps that's why God places it at utmost importance~ ... Sorry, realized i was caught on a tangent! Back to the ranch shall we? There is something different about the ranch... you feel it as soon as you cross the property line.... God is immersed in that place! I don't know how people could go there and not be changed! So many memories, so much fun, so much growth! All around good stuff! I hope y'all have a SPLENIFEROUS summer, may God bless you! Oh and P.S. If i don't update for awhile or comment its not because i have died or stopped reading your blog... its just cause i am at the ranch!
This last part is tributed to the Cawn and our glorious morning glory hair! *screams loud and off key* YOUR THE ONE THAT I WANT OO OO OO HONEY THE ONE THAT I WANT!!! lol yes! I LOVE it! Be blessed y'all!
Galatians 5:6 (this is the last part of the verse) The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit

Breathtakingly Brokenly Whole

2006-06-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

surrounded by a sea of people who seemed so unaware, feeling all alone and that no one cared

she sits alone'' crying at night'' with no one to help her'' through this fight

cold and shaking~no mercy is near~ no one can see~how much she fears

she silently cries out* to which no one responds*its better off that way*she might have to leave her ponds

crawling to her sheet} but finding no warmth} her toes are frost bitten} as she clutches to her only mitten

scared and alone+ thats hows shes left+ the wounds are numb+ shaking as she wept

with no one around\ not a soul in sight\ she feels the maker come down\ clothing her in rightousness\ batheing her in grace\ showing her mercy\ and His beutiful face

He wipes her tears! says that your pain is done! heals her very core! takes her hand as she starts to soar!

the next day comes# no one notices her face gone# no one but a child# a child who understands what has happened# for she too talked to the creator that very night

~~~
This picture doesn't do the picture in my head justice... i saw a woman, cold and alone, i felt her pain, her sorrow, her tears, her vast emptyness, her lonliness.... in my head she is this extravegant woman... one who has seen her years, she is curled up along the side of the road, she has bruises, her cloths are torn.... my heart stopped. For a split second it stood still. My heart went out to her as i tried to understand the rawity of emotion in her eyes... it was beutiful, breath-takingly sad... joyus when the Saviour came and picked up her broken body, clothed her, loved her like no one else could... should i be so lucky... its almost like she looked at me and felt pity... pity that i cannot see and dont understand all that i have... all that i can do if i so choose it! wow. Thank-you Jesus... for everything, for the beauty in everything your create! For the blessings You have bestowed on me... on my life... for people who love me... for the endless opportunities i have.... for Your love in my life! After the woman danced into heaven... i saw the child... saw her love, saw her prayers, saw her faith that the woman that only she noticed had finally met with her Creator and Lover and went home. How beutiful the picture in my head... how i wish i had the talent to share it... hopefully this gives it at least some justice... wow."I have found that if i love until it hurts, there is no hurt but only more love" - Mother Theresa... Mother T... what an extravagantly breath-taking woman! Be love, be blessed!

Beutiful Letdown

2006-05-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

There are times when i feel like people forget that i am human! Like there is an expectation on me to be perfect all the time. *shakes head* I am NOT perfect, i have never been perfect and i will never be perfect... the bar that some have raised is high... i aim for it, i miss. Not just once but every time, in every way! My heart is heavied when i cannot attain this bar. When i dont even feel like i want to attain this bar. Is it wrong to take a moment to do what you want to do instead of what others want to do? It seems like its ok when someone else does it but when its you its wrong? Why is this so? How can it be? I am going to let the world in on a little secret... the mounths of may/june are my HARDEST mounths... they are where i feel the most drained, where i can do for myself what i would like because i have no more gas in my tank~ Perhaps this is selfish of me... perhaps its too much to ask, but it seems that when i dont get this time i crash! God has been stretching me in the most pecular ways.... my gas tank is empty and i am still running! Its funny all that people dont see... how much people dont understand... do they want to understand or see... a lot of times no. They dont see when i am tired, and just need a rest, they dont see that i am weighed down and how its sunken my chest~ They dont see past my smile and my laughter so, they just go on when my heart is laden with snow! I do know why though... why its hard to see past my smile.... its because i ALWAYS have something to smile about, so therefore its genuine... its hard to see that i am at wits end, dangling, ready to let go from exastion! I would take a week like i normally do if i had the time to do so, but the truth is that that time is not there... yes its sad, but my name is Daughter, Princess of the most high! In Him i find my strength and with Him all hope is found, grace is given, freedom all around! I am glad that He can always handle when i am not perfect, that His grace is always there, that His love never leaves me... even when i am lonely and scared! So i appologise if i have let you down and appologise for when i let you down! Geuss what? I am FAR from perfect, i never was, am, or will be! Please remember this... and lend out grace... if anyone needs it, its me! Be blessed, have a great day! Love you all!

living word

2006-05-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

Covered. surrounded. emursed in a sea of words. i feel alive. there is vitality and growth all around me. running through this fasted pased river called life. there is no end. stopping is not an option. i seek to find the keys. i come to my bridges and open the gates.

Again, i am brought back to the power of words. Can it explain, deep the touch, stirring inside. One is evaluated and found in want but yet sweet satisfaction holds in place. Blue birds, heighenas, dancing elephants. Brought back to the hunger of that which is unseen, unheard, but known. I place to which i call home!

~My Birthday~

2006-05-16T00:45:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! I need to stop and take a moment to thank everyone who participated in some way to make my bday special! Most of you know that my birthday is probably my least favorite time of year and that i dont like making a stink over it! That being said i cannot portray my profound appreciation for the kind words that have been said to make this birthday special! Just knowing that you care and took time out of your days to send a card or a little note means the WORLD to me! I had a quiet celebration where i got to spend some quality time with my family... which i always enjoy! Then i went out to the Keg on monday.... steak, medium.... enough said. lol! A coupple of my gifts have left me on cloud nine.... of which i am not going to come down from anytime soon! I even got to see one of my dear friends Dez the other day.... which made me extremely happy... we walked 7 miles! It was worth it cause we went down to the river and back to her house.... and i finally had my first fire and smore of the year! It was great! We found the firewood using the light of our cellphones! lol... it made me happy... then we started the fire! ......we acually blew that one into existance! It was great! Then the last week the Hatters (i used the correct term this time Scott!) came in which automatically made it a great weekend and they will be comming up again in less than a week and a half! (snuggle time with nikki!) ALSO.... i get to house-sit for my sister and brother in law next week which i LOVE doing! May has been a pretty stellar mounth! So here is to being flabergasted! Sorry... this is more of a random update! I love you all and hope y'all have a fantastical week! Be blessed! Schmo over and out!

tHE LiTtlE

2006-05-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

I have come to the realization that life is lived in the little..... ok, i have had this revelation before but it was reinforced this weekend in more ways than one! It always astounds me how something as small as a smile can make someones day who's down~ or how a little faith and support for someone can stir them on to take a great leap of faith~ how the slightest touch can show how much someone actually cares! It is through these little moments, these life moments, where-to everyone else- it is just a mundane activity like watching a movie or eating supper.... but to me it is irreplaceable, it is where love and life reside.... it shows caring, friendship, vitality, warmth, courage, faith, bravery, integrity.... its the place in which i love~ The words that one says are reinforced by our actions, by the everyday 'mundane' of life! Life is how you see it... where some people see mundane... i see excitment, wonder, mystery... and all through not that much! The other day I was complimented by a friend.... she thanked me for all that i did.... i was appreciative of the compliment, but truthfully, i don't do much!.... for most of my friends, they think i am doing them the favour, but really its the opposite way around! I am so blessed to share in the lives of my friends... to be there in the little moments, those mean THE WORLD to me! So here's to the little moments..... the hugs, smiles, tears, laughter, tracings, talks, silence...to everything! May we never underestimate the little~ So thank you for the little.....Be blessed, i love you all- know that each of you has a special place in my heart!

In The Stillness

2006-05-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

Sitting silent; pondering my day; contemplating life's miracles; of a genre I cannot say; Waiting, wondering, not knowing what secrets lie ahead; the vast plain that is in front of me; in which I am blindly led; My steps, cautiously bold; knowing, trusting who's there; putting faith in guidance; hoping enough to dare; Leaps, bounds; and suddenly a splash; a new terrane; has now crossed my path; Its cold, wet; emersing my ever being; weeding out my fear; all without me ever seeing; The ground drops; my heart pounds; I am held up; carried through the mounds; Will i give up?; am i strong enough to let go?; my whole being shlumps; my sadness is something only one knows; He sits me up; holds me near; whispering sweet dreams; that drive out the fear

Miraculousness

2006-04-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Wow, today was AMAZING! God is SO good! Let me explain.... today one of my good buddies Jason spoke at Strathcona Christian Academy~ It started out kinda slow.... felt as if the young people weren't really connecting.... it got a little bit better as worship ended but not by much.... then Jason felt that God wanted to heal people...... he got people just to stand in there seat and then we asked God if He would come and move and heal the people that were in need of it.... and geuss what! HE DID! The leadership recieved words about knees and asthma and stomach problems and they were all healed! God is crazy good! I love how when you take a step of obediance that God pulls through! There were lots of knees, a coupple who had asthma and i think it was 4 that had stomach problems! It was cool... we also had some family issues, stress, headaches, fatigue... it was fantastical (thanks to Jon Jon for that word!)! It was funny though.... i was having a hard time praying a lot... it was mostly just words for people.... which i enjoy.... i like when God has words for people.... i have to say that sometimes we always ask for things from God and forget to listen to what He has to say.... and we forget to thank Him after all is said and done.... so after it was all over the team took a moment and just thanked God for showing up and for healing the sick! THANK YOU JESUS! You roc my sox! To everyone i hope that you have an AMAZINGLY FANTABULOUS DAY! Love you all! *hugs all around*

Refreshing

2006-04-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, the other day i had an AWESOME experience with the Lord!

The other day me and my Lord hung out
He used me; i have no doubt
It was like running water rushing through my soul
His love has come to make me whole

Speaking so clearly
and touching my heart
i can not explain
how i feel in part

with love so abounding
and grace so near
the glory of the Lord
drives out all fear

To see where you are comming from

and know what your going through

I see where your going to go

and how God wants to meet with you

to be used by God
what a glorious day
to reach out to someone
in love to make their day

Search to Let Go

2006-04-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

Bruised and broken
here at your feet
torn and tattered
its You i want to meet

laying my burden
humbled at Your cross
its You i want Lord
without You i'd be lost

I want more of You
I just need more of you (x2)

i cut myself open
You tend to my wounds
i push away Lord
and set my heart on cruise

Tried to do it on my own
i tried to make it all alone
but without Your love, without Your grace
without Your touch i am erased

(so i'm)
Letting go of my religion
Letting go of my pride
Giving You all control
in this failing life

theres nothing i can hide... in this life

pOisoNious loVe... in a vial

2006-04-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

Here is an old peice of mine.... its raw, it hurt at the time, and i am pretty sure if you poke at it... it will bite you back. Hope you enjoy the honest rare steak......

How Am i
to evEn knoW wHat love is.
For to Us, it is oNly an oBsessIon
an obSEssion of the mind that takes oVEr
ouR humAnity and hEarts
Until our iNNerbeaing is overbeARing

To talK
of such "wonDerous lOve"
(at least on earth)
What loVe would Be
is a fAtal laPs
of reaLity
From your mInd
to mE.

The game of love
is harsh
This beCause
a GamE it is
tWo minds conSPiring
which move to maKe
to wIN
the cOUrtsHip of aNother

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Realizing that this peice is a little harsh i need to remind my readers that this is not me..... well it is what i wrote, but i love love. Love is a powerful thing and this is how i felt when it was toyed with.... i geuss the lesson is to not to mess with love... love is powerful, but it bites if played with... don't play with it! Be blessed!

Joy... Strength

2006-04-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

*sings* "The joy of the Lord is my strength (X4)... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (x3) the joy of the Lord is my strength!"- feel free to join in at any time and if u are going to the ranch this summer be prepared to hear it.. Pastor Landon likes to sing it in the AM! Do you actually know how much these words are true? When you look at life from a joyus stance do you not feel better even under difficult circumstances? Do you not feel empowered when you have that joyus outlook on life? Do you not feel better about yourself? I know i certianly do! Attitude is everything... i hate to burst your bubble but if your attitude sucks about something normally that thing will suck! However, if you look at the positive side of things and make the best out of ALL life's happenings then things don't seem so bad! I often wonder how God sees things... i want to see things as God does! To look at a person and not see whats on the outside but what is on their heart! To look at my situations and see the good instead of the bad! To know that everything will be good just because we have God on our side! I have noticed this.... i can have a good time at any time, sometimes i have to put more effort in, mabey change whats in my heart or change my thoughts from 'i feel like a peice of poop or i am in a bad mood' to 'i WILL have a good time and what can i contribute to this'! Just think of the powerful force that is words.... these aren't outwardly words, not ones that you and everyone else can physically hear... they are the battle of our minds eye. What we are thinking, effects how we are feeling~ I love that one verse that says "do not only think of things down here on earth but turn your eyes to things above" (ok...i admit it, i don't have my bible right here so its not exact...i am pretty sure its in Colossians)! Good things are stored in Heaven (above)... the earth is kinda shabby, perhaps it just comes down to this.... if i have my eyes on God, how can i focus on the bad? anyway... i am rambling! Be blessed, keep your attitude fresh!

bLeSseD siLeNCe

2006-03-31T12:53:00.000-08:00

sTop

2006-03-31T12:08:00.000-08:00

just stop. just be with me. let me love you. and have you sit on my knee.

stop stiving. just rest. soak in my presence. and be blessed.

curled up. its just You and me. i am being held. loved. cared for. there shouldn't be this fear. i shouldn't be afraid. but i know that in You, i can be brave. my heart is here. its a little tattered. sorry that its not so pretty. sorry that its not more lovely. its all i have. its all i own. its here to take. its here to hold. in my mind i know that you will take good care of it. but its been beat up before. left so cold and alone. but You. You aren't like the rest. You don't rape. You don't steal. You don't decieve. You gently take my heart. holding it near. its by your gentle touch. that drives out my fear. i fall back. on all that is You. knowing your softness will catch me.its true. so i will rest here. i will soak in. Glory to Your name Lord. its by Your name that we will win. taking this moment. drinking it in. sitting with You. gets me to grin. watching the sunset. feeling Your glow. knowing Your near me. wherever i go. things whisp away. all there is is You. Your really all i want Lord. Your love is so true.

One thing that has hit me the past coupple days is how much i am not up to snuff... but how much God uses me anyway.... i don't have to be perfection, i am not horrible for not being (as megs would say) "spiritual" enough.... my writing doesn't even have to be good. God loves it.... just like parents love the drawings that their children give them.... are they good in the worlds standards? no. do they mean the world to the parents? yes! Thats what God wants. thats what He needs~ its what He LOVES....

I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:27

Rehab open for business!

2006-03-29T14:33:00.000-08:00

*enter medical students from left corner* Welcome one and all to Dawn's rehab center! This center is only for severe cases and to be admitted you must be at risk! As of today we only have one patient to show you, but there have been a many come through our doors! Lets start with case number one... its really quite sad, she has been here for 19years! *gasps all around the room* yes, she has been our worst of cases... rapid toung tricks, typed out movements and incredible word fumbles! I warn you.. please do not feed her... she has a tendancy to bite and be vicous with spoons! We have some new additions planning to arrive here soon~ One girl, patient 150983 has a severe case and will be admitted to our BAHG and FACWC... which of course is Bloggers Addiction Help Group and Frosting and Cake Withdrawl Course! I am pretty sure that for the first day or so we will have to have her on a bag vanilla froster for an IV... sad i know *students take notes and nod intently*~ Our next case, patient number 181083 has a mixture of HTS and CEED (compulsive eating of elephants disorder, which of course leads to obesity). Let me tell you... we had to cut out the wall for this guy, we will probably have him on a stricked regiment of spoons and ESTSH (electro-shock therapy for the severly holywood)! We may have to beat this one into shape! However, this patient is ALWAYS tired... so we must force camination until early morning to help the process along~ ...and our final possible arrival is patient is 1988. Its quite an interesting case... she has a hormone, aggritonin, in her body that attracts all things sharp to jump out at her... therefore hurting her and causing palpitations in the process.... she also has FFW (facination for windows) and frequently gets caught in these glass cages of emotion! It doesn't not stop there folks... she also has delirious episodes where she thinks that patient 181083 is inside her head! We plan to do an emergency cranialoptopy to remove the voice... Ursula even gave us her shell to extract this voice and give it back to patient 181083! After that she will be forced to the 'cloud room' where there are no sharp objects, just padding until the medication, batchbrowniefil, passes through her system to remove this dreadful hormone! After that she will enter our EWWP (emergency window withdrawl program) were she will learn to live 'outside of the box'...or window in this case! Well.... i hope that you enjoyed learning about our different programs and hope that you will consider us in the future! Be blessed and have a wonderful rehabilitated day!
I definatly have to say that this is one of my best posts yet!

Unseen

2006-03-27T22:08:00.000-08:00

we are calling out
you walk on by
you don't see me
or hear my hearts cry

content with our own worlds
not wanting to see yours
so we avert our eyes
to your open doors

you wiggle, you squirm
your gasping from
the depths of your pain
(all the while i stand looking dumb)

i could help
i could care
it might just save your life
but i am too busy, i swear

so i will live my life
and you will die with yours
my choices don't concern you right?
but its your blood that pours

when will we wake up?
when will we see
that this life we live
is not just for 'me'

mabey if we stop
(just for a moment)
to spend some time
then this life wouldn't be so sour
it wouldn't taste like a lime
mabey we could free our generation
perhaps we could touch our battered world
if we only took the time
to say a nice word

never underestimate the power of a kind word
never take for granted the love of a friend
know that time is worth a life
and that your decisions last till the end
~~~~~~~~

Hey guys, this is one of the cries of my heart.... i couldn't get it out the way i would have liked but its out! There are so many hurting people just needing a little love in their life! We are so caught up in everything else (both good AND bad) that we completely miss that kid in our class with chains on... or the lonely woman with shakkels in our appartment or workplace. You want our world to be free? Learn to love! Be blessed and challenged by this!

For Emma

2006-03-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

Ok. So i have kind-of have had a difficult week. I was on the maternity floor all this week in various parts (postpartum, labour and delivery and ICN)... first i must explain that i have an incredibly soft bleeding heart for children~ with that said here it goes.... my days postpartum were difficult when i came across miscariages and a new mother and baby where the father had been murdered... the injustice of a little baby not ever getting to know his father? It makes my toes curl~ However, the thing that got me the most was today in ICN (neonatal intensive care). One of my patients was a normal, slightly pre-term baby. She was gorgeous and captured my heart with her first morning sigh...... wondering why she was there i dove into her case. this is what i found. BOTH her parents are addicted to cocaine.... ok, i can deal with that.......her mom used WHILE she was pregnant....ok making me mad. this little one is having tremmors, is needing to be on morphine, is acutly uncomfortable and her life is at stake because her vitals are all over the map......next ugly peice of info i got was that her parents refuse to stop using....WHAT? How can this be? How could anyone not want to... for their BABY!.... as i sat there stunned by this fact another wave hit me as the social services lady continued to bash more dispicable words, "Her parents haven't come in in days, probably wont, and even if they did, we can't give the child to them. She is going to foster care".....*cringes* i dislike the foster system. (right now i want you to take a moment) ..... i almost broke down... i was angry, i was sad..... i realized that the contact that myself and the rest of the nursing staff were giving her were the ONLY contact that this beutiful little princess was getting...... i almost cried as i picked her up and just snuggled her for 3 hours..... i prayed for her.... i wared in the heavenlies on her behalf....i am pretty sure i would have tried to adopt her if i knew that i could provide for her..... i rocked her...... i sang songs for her.... we bonded....and my heart broke.
When i left it tore me appart.... i waited until i was in the locker room and let my tears fall for her.... Father, i have so much, and she has nothing! Really, think about this.... about this precious babe..... she may not get the opportunities that you have gotten..... so please....be thankful for something, ANYTHING today... and post it in your comment, for little emma. I am too heartbroken to think....so this is the end. Pray for her, and those just like her because even though her situation is royally rotten, i believe that God can perform miracles! Be blessed, be thankful, i love you all~
P.S. Sorry if this dosen't make sense.... my head is in my heart.... my heart has sunken to my feet. Hopefully you get something out of it!

From Prison To Palace

2006-03-10T11:03:00.000-08:00

Daddy where are you?
please don't fail me
are You seeing where i am at?
do You see that i need to be set free?

all i want is You
i thought i made that clear
but all i know is fog
and that Your presence is no longer near

glimpses of hope
of what could be
i am not longer satisfied
with selfish me

i have fallen
i have failed
i have ashamed Your honor
and when things came i bailed

not sure what You can do
with such an ugly smuck as i
is it even possible to use this vessel
to bring You glory by and by

You can do anything
this much is true
You are all powerful
and You make me new

so please come and be with me
please make me new
fill me with passion
and Your spirit so true

i come to You this hour
down on my knees
asking for forgiveness
its then i feel Your breeze

You call me daughter
and run to me
it through Your grace
that i am set free

I need to expalin my picture surrounding this.... its me, i have fallen and got back up... i have chains... i feel heavy...i am in a deep, cold, foggy hole in the ground....its dark, i can't see much...i try by myself to find a way out, despiratly, fantically clawing at the muddy earth that surrounds me.... there is no way, i cannot see enough to know which way is safe... i hardly know what is up.... its then i look down... i see this grime that has so covered me.... i am stunned... shocked to see it there... my shock turns to horror... disgust at the way i look, the way i feel...... my emotions over-run my senses, i am caught in my own whrilwind... i break..... i break into deep, powerful.. almost purposful sobs of anguish, misery, sadness........ i stay there, fearing what is oout in front of me, fearing what is inside of me.... i cry out..... the weight starts to lift....i cry out again....it lifts again... it is here i stand for quite some time..... in this bond with dejection.... waiting....hoping.... staying..... as these tears of sorrow fade, so does my fog..... i look down..... i am suprised.... i am clean one again... the chains are gone....i look up and see the way to go....i see my Father, standing..... waiting.... longing to lend His hand..... it is then i realize that i am in a jungle.... i would like to say far from home.... but this is neither the case.... for i am in beutiful skins.... my Father whispers come.... i take my rod and head toward Him..... as i near the top, with my heart filled with adoration, joy, laughter.....renewal.... my Father anounces that His beutiful warrior pricess has arrived.... with great splendor.... with honor... i take my place my Father has set out for me..... has hand chosen....hand woven.... to be just for me..... so what do i do you ask?..... i go to my rightful place.... to the place He has set for me.... a beutiful banquet is thrown in His honor.... i stop to recognize the mistirous beuty.... the night has set in... the scene is bubbling with joy and laughter.... the trees are high.... the area is a vibrant shade of green with splashes of coulorfull, exotic flowers set in place... a quiet, petit water fall....the water seems to crash upon the rocks in a vigorus, potent and quiet way...this leads into a beutiful shade of bleu oasis...there is a fire at the centre.... stars all around... a twinkle....a glisening in our eyes...and in my thankfullness.... in this joyus heart that He has bestowed on me... i do the only thing i can in my outflow of thankfullness and gratitude.... i dance for my King..... the night is o so joyous... so amazing...so perfect.

Sorry guys... i know its long... i hope that you enjoyed it! Be blessed, may you week shine bright, love you all!

On Daddy's Shoes

2006-03-07T18:38:00.000-08:00

I wrote this just the other day... God pulled me away from study and completely surrounded me in His love! I am pretty sure it was to get me through my nutzo coupple of weeks! I love dancing with the Lord...you should really try it one day! Be blessed by it guys! Love you all!
~~~~~~~

On Daddy's shoes i stand
My Daddy's pretty tall
On Daddy's shoes i stand
as we dance through the hall

He leads me to where we want to go
never lets me down or makes me feel small
all my weight He carries
and never lets me fall

I look up at Him
while He smiles down on me
His warmth and grace
just lets me be me

what could i do
without my Lord?
where would i be
if you haden't shed your blood to set me free?

Hold me in Your arms
i rest in Your sweet presence
all i want is more of You Lord
until i am drenched by Your fragrance

So hold me.mold me.use me. fill me.
I am Yours, Yours alone
to You may the Glory be
Your precious blood has set me free

Monday Love

2006-03-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

I need to start out by saying that this week has been amazing so far~ I was studying for exams on monday when God completely broke me and gave me revelation.... geuss what? God IS first in my life.... I always doubt that, but its really true. I was reading in Exodus and it hit me... i really don't want to go anywhere where God isen't!! (i actually have this as a song!)

when i awake at dawn.
or lay my head to rest.
i want to be,
i want to be moved by You.

i want to smell Your sweet fragrance.
i want to see Your glory.
come and touch,
come and touch our hearts oh God.

come in all Your splendor.
show us Your grace and mercy.
be glorified,
be glorified in me today!

I just want more of the Lord...
i just NEED more of the Lord.

You are so great.
You are so good.
Your love so amazing.
so faithful and true

He wont ever lead me astray
He holds my hand
He guides me with truth
throughout the land

His blood was shead
to wash us clean
its by this blood
that i'm set free

You were (you were, you were)
You are (you are, you are)
You (you)
will always be

Weekend Bliss

2006-02-27T12:57:00.000-08:00

Hey all! I hope that you have had such a wonderful week like i had! I went to my grandmothers in B.C on monday and relaxed and studied and then went on a road trip to Medicine Hat and Brooks! The weekend was SO enjoyable and filled with alot of things i love: worship, prayer, seeing friends, having some amazing conversations and the likes! I am honored to have such great friends! I had enormous breakthrough as well, where some of my struggles came to the surface and were dealt with! THANK YOU JESUS! But as i got home on Sunday i realized that i need to grow even more... today i recieved fresh passion for God and for my friends! I want to make my big Papa proud of me.... by ALL that i do! I want to do things right so that its Gods hand, i want to do things right to gaurd hearts, i want to do things right because i have fear~ This is a new thing for me, this respect and PASSION to have more of it to safegaurd myself and others from hurt... Do i make the right choices all the time? no. will i ever make the right desicion all the time? no. do i crave what God has for me? yes. do i want to stand in front of my Maker holy, pure and clean? YES. am i going to push myself to have a better fear of the Lord? thats a promise!

i stand in Your presence
holding Your hand
i stand in Your presence
becoming who i am

and i cry holy
You are so holy (x2)

i stand in your presence
awed by Your glory
i stand in Your presence
covered by your grace

and i sing holy
You are so holy (x2)

2006-02-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

Well... I know that its a little late but I am going to tell you all about my wonderful weekend that I had a couple weeks ago~ To kick off this wonderful weekend my last class was finished early so I didn't have to miss any class to go to work! Whoop whoop for that! Later that evening one of my good brothers (not actual brother but the way black people mean brother...can anyone tell me which movie that's from?) Robbie sent me one of his new songs "Nothing Stays The Same" which I very much enjoyed, got to have some GREAT convos with friends and got to listen to some guitar solo's!mmmm...guitar! Then on saturday i went to my sisters ball and was feeling rather gorgeous... which is a rarity in Dawn's life.... and my mood was a Diana Crawl/Norah Jones/Frank Sinatra type relax mood. We went to the hotel that it was at and had a wonderful 7 course meal and afterwords i got to play with the camera and.... and this parts really exciting.... my dad taught me how to 2-step properly and pushed me around the dance floor!!! Then i got to dance with my brother-in-law..... for those of you who haven't met my brother in law, he doesn't dance... like not at all... and HE DANCED PEOPLE! Then i jived with my sister , it was extremely good...like MXC type good! Then on sunday had a WONDERFUL time at church where God just came and loved on me! whoop whoop! i give it 8 gazillion points! The first pic is just a really good one of me right before commencements, the next is a fuzzy pic od me, my sis and my bro-in-law and the last is my beutiful morning glory hair the next day! Anyway, i was excited! Be blessed!

Keeping in Anticipation!

2006-02-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

You think you know...but you don't

You think you have a clue?....nice try dude!

Do i have something up my sleave?....YES!

Are you expecting it?.....NO!

Does it make my day that you are still in the dark?...You bet!

Is it going to be absolutly AMAZING when you find out?....nO dOuBT In mY MInd!

Never underestimate my sneekiness~

P.S. Even if you do geuss it right... i will deny that its true!

P.P.S. Those that know.... don't wreck the suprise~Thank-you!

Be blessed all!

Flusterating

2006-01-31T00:50:00.000-08:00

Wow and one half! I wrote this awhile ago and reading it caused a rush of emotion...the same emotion i felt as i dished out this peice. I know that perhaps some of you have felt like this... i am sorry, truely i am~ but know this one thing, there is a God in heaven who loves you so, a God who will never let you go! Let Him love you, let it be true, let Him turn your grey skies into blue! Be blessed, Dawn!

Well, my heart is doing weird things on me! I feel as if my words are getting caught in a trap and comming out all tangled and wrong. It seems that i have the drive to write but nothing is comming out the way i want it to! It is really flusterating! This heart of mine keeps dipping and tossing and turning as to what it desires.... there agian, not desires,.. it knows what it desires, knows what it needs, but it keeps wanting to reach out in ackward directions pulling me from what i know is right... not right but what is for me. I find that its longing for what it knows wont work out of the lonely standpoint its in. So i appologise if my rhymes don't flow eloquently or even understandibly. I have decided that love and boys are for the birds, or mabey they are birds. and my heart is a piece of fake food that keeps on getting peaked and spat out due to the distaste that it leaves in the mouth. Its almost as if my heart or love is poison to those who come into contact with it, either that or its like the pie that your unskilled father tried to make but it came out leaving a discusting taste in your mouth so you just shove the food or my heart around the plate to make it look like your eating when you really aren't. Its being 'polite'. But really its just making me hope, making me wonder, making me doubt that a morsule that lacks as much flavour as i could be eaten by anyone, heck not even the dogs will eat it! So where does this lead me...lonely and blue! Take this and chew on it, perhaps it might save a few!

~Created to worship~

2006-01-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

mmmm... I love that God created me for worship! I was having some stressful days of late where i was ready to break down and one of my wonderful friends Meaghan invited me over to her place just to sleep and get away. I didn't get much sleep but felt better in the morning... went with her to school, sat in on a really good psych class and got alot of work accomplished! I was feeling like i needed to go and tinker on the piano... like i needed to release something! So i went downstairs to the piano rooms and Meaghan saw me and came with~ So i tinkered for a bit just to get rid of my fidgets and then Meaghan played... now i have to say that my beutiful friend Megs is very VERY annointed, she has a beutiful voice that follows the Lords lead.... so she starts playing and the Holy Spirit just comes into the room full force! We sang, we danced, and God held me, let me cry, filled me with love and peace and watched the 'me' part of me die! I can't explain it... we had a moment when my friend left... just God and I! He filled my lips with a new song of praise... He let my heart break, and picked up the peices again. Just holding me. Letting me be caught in His embrace! I wish i could explain the great vastness that is my wonderful, holy, magnificent, omnipotent, healing, protecting, providing Lord! We went deeper together and there are no words to describe how wonderful and addicting it is! All i want...His preasence, all i need, His presence. All i am or ever will be is in Him. Be blessed! And try taking some time... just you and the King~ Its worth ever second!

Ignored

2006-01-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

Will no one else help? That is my cry! I have had the honor of being able to mentor a coupple AMAZING girls over this past year and it has been a HUGE blessing in my life! However, i find myself lately seeing SO many... no that doesn't explain the vastness of this... the COPIOUS amounts of young guys and girls who are CRYING OUT for someone to help! I want to be able to help all of them but i can't, i would not being doing any good if i had lots of kids... they wouldn't get the time that they need! But at the same time... it breaks my heart to see them all alone, standing on the edge ready to jump! It says in the bible that 2 are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up (Ecc. 4:9,10)! If the children and youth today are our greatest assets then why are we ignoring their cries? Why does no one step to the plate and say, "I want to get to know you, i want to share my knowledge and wisdom with you! I want to see you FLOURISH!" Is it because of our own selfishness? Perhaps. Is it because of our pride...that we don't want them to go further than we? Perhaps. Is it because of our lack of wisdom? Perhaps. Mabey we don't see it? No.. we just don't want to see it! I am reminded of a song by Out of Eden called "Sarah Jane" expressing this same thing! There are hurting people around you and as a quote from Save the Last Dance "Open up your pretty brown eyes and look around"!... Thats the one side of it... is most of us just don't do it! The other... sometimes even more detrimental side is that we do it but do a really crappy job! We accept the way they are, mabey don't give the time that it requires (for it is a sacrifice of time and energy), mabey we are in it to glorify ourselves "oh look i am a mentor" kind of thing, or mabey we push too far...as in "change or i wont be there for you"! All of this is bad! All that its doing is saying 'i don't love you' or 'i will only love you if...', 'you aren't worth my time', 'you don't matter', 'your worthless'. You think that your not saying anything to these kids when you pass them by? You thought wrong! You just implant those words of dealth into their life further...deeper. Now.. i am not saying that you should accept where they are at... but you should prod them on in love, love means accepting who they are, love sometimes means saying this isen't good for you, love means giving help when they need and ask for it! I pray that we can grasp this, not only for our own sake but for the sake of our children, for the sake of our country, for the sake of our world! And above all else... if you do or are a mentor... do it on Gods strength, let Him lead you, be filled with HIS love.. because ultimatly, thats the only thing that matters! Remember that withut love... we are nothing (1 cor. 13)! Sorry, i know that this is a long babble!) Hope that you are blessed and challenged by this! Love, Dawn

Midnight Prayer

2006-01-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

Will this ever happen?

Will my dream ever come true?

Will my heart not stop hurting?

Will my heart ever be in love with you?

Attention is not what i seek

but passion is what i crave

the spotlight holds no interest

but Your plan engulfs me like a wave

So help me to listen

and follow Your ways

that my life my unfold

to be beutiful all my days

Your guidance and wisdom

more precious than time

Your love so amazing

like your grace devine

So here it is Lord

here's my life

to take hole

to take control

Here's my heart Lord

and with it

holds all of its desires

and in your hands, it sits

Father, here is your child

the one who is paid for

Father hear my cry

to dance with you tonight

You are my Father

and i am Yours

Your love overflows

Splashing through waves of mercy

Being held by your grace

You've stamped all my sin out

Now i am new

Help me to be like You

to walk in Your ways

and sing out Your praise!

Lead by my Father. New year. New day. Big dreams.

2006-01-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

Lead me Father. Lead me onward. Come walk with me Daddy. all the day long.

Your love so great. Your mercies so profound. my life so unworthy. to, in You, be found.

The Fathers ways so mysterious. As He teaches His children life's lessons. From depths and valleys. a closer, greater meaning of you.

So here i am Lord. I am ready to do your will. Through thick and thin, through good and bad. I may stray up ahead or fall behind. My ultimate joy comes from you. You. and You alone.

As i start the new year my heart has been heavy. I do not know why, so don't ask. However, even though my heart is heavy i am filled with hope and excitment! I know that God has some things for me this year that are going to be different than expected, they are going to be far from the norm and some might pleasantly, leave me blindsided with a rush of new passion! I have to learn to expect the unexpected... He knows the plans that He has for me.... and they will WRECK MY WORLD! Now to me, this is a little terrifying, but my desire to get to know Him better and to draw closer to Him overrides ANY fear that is within me! I pray blessings over those i love and those i like and those whom i don't care for! I pray blessings over family and friends who are gonna have a knock-out year! and for my husband and my friends future spouces... may it be a year of growth and an overachievement of expectation! Be blessed everyone! Love you all!

Another year!

2005-12-31T01:42:00.000-08:00

As i look at and reflect on this past year i am quite thankful! I am thankful for the people in my life who matter so much to me! I look at some of my girls that i mentor and see the amazing year of growth and maturity that they have undergone, and how much they have blessed me! I look at my friends who have stuck by my side even when they had reason not to... you guys are worth your weight in gold! I have learned so many lessons and look up to you! I know that some of you have helped me accept who i am... just as i am...(precious cargo) and helped me veiw myself in an appropriate way! I know that i will always have you to go to with fire truck beds or akward moments! I look at my family and some of the crap that we have endured patially due to me, and how their love for me shows SO much! My grandparents who send me scripture and are my prayer warriors, my uncle Kent and auntie Jo who always graciously open their home to me and look out for my well being, for my sister and brother-in-law who alwasy have my best interests in mind, even though it may not be my own intrests, and my parents who, through all of the stresses, still love me just the way i am and support whatever i decide to do! I know that this year is going to be a great one with lots of the unexpected in my life, which is partly scary but party exciting... either way i know that i can handle anything with Gods help! So here is to the memories of 2005 and a big leap into 2006 with bright new memories to be made!
"Your a goat"-Connie
"So mofia partner owl who should we kill next?"-Denae
"I get it"- Loril
"Fear is the opposite of love"-Matt
"and i am just angry and trowing a tantrum"- Dez
"Lets call it Dawn's Dance Spot"-Meg
"On that note i am going to take a cold shower"-Justin
"No, no, i have a bootie!"-Deb
"Thats gorgeous darling"-Mark
"I was wondering if you could give me info on that osterich farm.." -Robbie
"You would to sicko"-Riley
"I love you babe"-D.J.

The fool in me

2005-12-28T20:17:00.000-08:00

I was such a fool
to believe those lies
So absurd
my heart dies

So many words
all so untrue
how can i ever find a love
that's faithful and true

Who would even look at me?
Who will dare to care?
Myself so unworthy
with a sight unable to bear

my heart cries and spirit moans
to make me less hideous
my soul wails
to be made clean

in sight i am nothing
a stain on a silk sheet
your presence i am not worthy
and compared i am weak

so break and gaurd me
please carry this busted soul
for only in you i am whole

perhaps then you could look at me

perhaps you would know

the price that you paid

makes me whiter than snow

Ripped to shreads

2005-12-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

Hey guys here is a peice that i wrote just under a year ago... i wrote it comming out of a painful experience. I am putting it on now because i have realized the lessons that i have learned and the growth that has taken place! Praise Jesus for that! Hope that you enjoy it, Be blessed!

Was my love not good enough
for you to hold near?
was my heart not warm enough
that you trampled it on the floor
Did my words mean nothing
Have my actions been empty
O how quickly we forget
the important lessons in life
Things that i thought i taught
now gone with the summers brease

How cheap you have left me
it has sucked my innermost glee
i feel no joy
i feel no pain
it has left a vat you see

In the comming days
with my heart so unsure
the choice that i must make weighs
for when i make it
i wish it to be holy and pure

Father, could you fill me with your joy
Can you wrap me in your love
all i am wanting is to be used
your servant
to do your will
and give glory to the one above

2005-12-19T23:37:00.000-08:00

To be the cause of disappointment. Too shamed to show face. I have grieved my Father. Not worthy of His grace.Nausea sweeps over. Disgusted with my very self. Angry. For tumbling down the same hill again.How my soul aches inside. I should have known better. It rips and shreds my heart. and slaps like a piece of leather.I sit bruised and shaking. Hid in the dark corner. With the chains cutting at my flesh. Knowing full well this is the end.Movement by the door. Am I prepared for the next? Bracing myself for the next rush of pain. But instead of a whip there is a blanket of warmth.What? How could this be? The chains are gently taken away. And softly I am taken into His arms. FATHER! This treatment I am unworthy of.He slowly looks down at me. Smiles. And says "You are my beloved, the one that I sent my son for." His eyes never leave mine. His radiant love He cannot hide. As I relax into this love, I am reverend. and with the glistening tear I start to whisper my song of Thanks. All of a sudden my heart stops. My mouth is still as a see the cold cage doors burst open. I don't know what to think. Fear. Excitement. Thanksgiving. Wonder. Silence comes as He removes me from my own prison that I willfully chose to step into. And as we walk away He whispers "I love you, you will never hane to go back as long as you stay with me".

Hey all, sorry that this isen't as fluent or pretty as they are normally but it was on my heart and needed to be expressed. Hope that you enjoyed it! Be blessed!

2005-12-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

mmmm... Christmas time, a time to spend with loved ones cosyed up in front of a warm fire with a cup of coco! I love Christmas! I was sitting by the Christmas tree tonight, music playing, coco in my hand, my puppy fast alseep on my chest and i alowed myself to daydream.. i love to day dream, its a whole world of possiblilties running through my head of what it will be like with my own husband and children to cuddle up with and pamper over the holidays! Ii think about which traditions that i will keep and what new traditions i could start! i think about what kind of holday treats that will be my children's favorites.... ahh sweet daydreams! Warm fuzzies come at Christmas-time! So here is to all, here is my little rant on Christmas just so you all know how much i love Christmas! Do me a favour, perk up, grab someone you love and show them that you love them! I had a wise friend who once told me that fear is the opposite of love and i can see how thats very truthful even in my own life! See, i have come to the conclusion this Christmas that i am not very good at the whole love thing, i thought i was... but i am not! I gaurd myself because of past hurts and have troubble accepting love and giving love at times due to my fear of love and fear of messing love up! But then i realized that if it is love, then even if i screw up every once in awhile that its ok.... because that love will love through my quirks and my fears! Love is a blind force that one must have faith in if you want to have anything happen! So, to all of you who have already taken that leap, congrats, for those of you about to take the leap, leap with purpose, and those not even at the edge, take a coupple steps closer... after all its Christmas....... love is what its all about!
(sorry if i have butchered this, i had 2 thoughts running at the same moment)

BE BLESSED, HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND LOVE TO YOU! *HOLY KISS*

More, in conjunction with a day with the Lord

2005-12-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

More of the Lord... a desire that strikes the heart of a soul, a deep longing that urges to be filled! Perhaps a day, just a day, in order to bask in the presence of the utmost high. totally focused. distractions fade. and a waterfall starts to flow. I understand the deep longing of that soul, for it resides deep within and resonates in me as well!

Morning comes
He gently greets
His face, the first i meet

Singing sweet praise
to the Glorious king
to you, offerings i will bring

So refreshing
So sweet
To bow at Jesus feet

Strength comes to those who humble
Strength comes to those in need
He resonates. He's all i need

Swift steps
Come to dance
The movement strikes your heart like a lance

The night ends and all else fades
my focus on my creator
my one and only saviour

Warmadilleo

2005-12-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

Well all here is an update on Dawns life! I love my practicum!!! I am at the Royal Alec in the surgical department! This week unfortunatly was a bleh! I have been sick all week and in this sort of meh mood that is so moot i can't put my finger on why i am like this! Well that just means i have to sit and watch another chick flick! I am so out of season... it is not like Dawn to be out of season, perhaps its my lack of snow! Well enough of me jabbering... i am very excited about my little Cawn airline adventure that is going to take place after exams! And i am very excited about the new coupple of sermons that i am doing. One is titled "Did you rape Gracie?" and its about how we as 20th century christians abuse Gods grace and my other "Rooted Here There or Anywhere" about being rooted in God and what that means! Anyway, i need to get more sleep so have a good night *and to all a good night*
P.S. I have no idea about the title and i picked the colour because it looked like hot coco!

Nighttime journey

2005-10-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

You just want me
wanting to love on me
unlike any love i've felt
so unlike my fathers belt

Staying with me
Never dailing to stand by
helping through ragged hills
warm embaraces with eyes that fill

Turning my eyes upon myself
pushing you away
my sin i can not forget
and in shame hide away

You seek me out
and lure me to you
catch me in a full embrace
Wiping the guilt and shame off my face

Lover of mine
My great and powerful Daddy
i come to be swept away
As you tenderly tuck me in

Broke

2005-10-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

O fickle heart
Why must you toy?
Never a relyable source
Just an incredible force

Palpitations set it into flight
Nothing can hold it back
Confusion stikes as directions pull
Lacking guidance, like an untaimed bull

So it stays where its at
Paralysed with fear
Not wanting to leave its home
Refuzing to move from the place called comfort zone

My sould cries out
Wanting to be heard
its wish is granted
only to the absurd

Why can't we meet?
must i wait in this mosh of despair
if there is no hope
how will i cope?

To be with the one i love
who loves me in return
would make even the trees leap for joy
and all the thorns turn and burn

now with all the thorns gone
and all the trash cleaned
perhaps something can grow
before it starts to snow

when a healthy seed is planted
it takes time to grow
when its right
he'll take it slow

so i'll sit and wait back
mature into the woman
i want him to meet
it will be enough to knock him off his seat

So Father make me into that woman
rip up my earth until all the weeds are gone
mature my spirit so that i may be ready
to stand on my feet, strong, firm and steady

Praise Reports!!!

2005-09-28T14:00:00.000-07:00

Check this out, this is gnar~! Most of you know that i was praying for a job at the begining of the month. Now i was being specific because i needed something that worked with my schedual, that was flexible, that i didn't have to work that often, that gave me nursing experience and that paid well! Now, i was trusting that God would fufill this if He wanted me to have a job! I know that most of you are thinking, what? she is crazy to expect that much in a job, but GOD PROVIDED! I am now working for an MS lady every 2nd weekend and getting paid well! Praise my faithful, wonderful Jesus! It is also an opportunity to be a light as the lady that i am working for is not a Christian! I was also freakin out about my exam/mid term and right before i was about to have a breakdown God came and gave me peace and then when i went to go write it i felt good about it when i left the room! Then when i was going home he gave me a laughing fit! It was awesome! So thank-you Daddy for Your peace that passes all understanding! For Your joy that You so freely give! Your joy is my strength! I pray for all of those who are struggling or going through a hard time, i pray that you would be with them! Let them rejoice in their hard times (Romans 5, the 1st part & James 1:2-5) because it produces character! Help us all walk in the light of You! Be blessed by our actions today! Love you, DAwn

Insight-not by my strength but Yours Lord!

2005-09-20T15:21:00.000-07:00

I was reading my friend Carissa's blog the other day and i had a great picture come to mind! I was having kinda a crappy day and was feeling really overwelmed about school, work...well, life in general! I was/am feeling like my strength is running short and i was having a hard time dealing with it! When i went to go read Carissa's blog she was saying that every time that she loses control and is about to wave a flag of surrender is the time where He lifts you higher! A thought then rolled into my mind and i could hear pastor Landon saying that the time where we run out of our own umpf and stop trying to do things oon our own strength is when God steps in and does maraculous things!

From there my brain fliped the page and i recieved a wonderful illistation: i was sitting in the water with my prune, water-soaked body frantically trying not to drown. I flailed for quite some time; growing weaker with each passing second until i could no longer keep myself afloat. My body suddenly stopped and fear tore through me as i thought i knew what was going to happen next. I was going to drown, and as i started to sink i closed my eyes and cried out for my Daddy to come rescue me! I didn't see anything come but noticed that i was staying afloat and not sinking! What could this be? How am i staying afloat? It was then that i noticed that i was wearing a lifejaket! I had been wearing it the whole time! God was right there all along, all he wanted me to do was to stop trying to do it all alone and on my own strength and just stop and rest in the fact that He has me!

I CAN be still and know that He is God! That its ok to be weak for God says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christs' sake, i delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then I am strong. (2 Chor. 12:9,10) And it is my gracious Lord who gives me strength! (2Samuel 22:33) I think that its time for me to stop trying to push God away and do it on my strength! Gods weakest is stronger than my strongest! Its time, God take over my life, lets use your strength instead of mine, lets do it your way instead of Dawns! *kisses*amen!

I hope that this was enjoyable and that you look and see who is the muscle of your life-you or God?

Be blessed, love you all!

Faith and love.

2005-09-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

God has been showing me how little faith our society has these days. This is especially true when it comes to love! This is something that God has radically changed my thinking in. I use to think that there wasen't "the perfect one" for me but when you married that person becomes the "perfect one". I also thought that God brings people into your life that would suit you well and you got to pick. Now, even though i still think that these things are true i realize how little faith i had that God would bring someone who is PERFECT for me. Now don't get this mixed up with that person being perfect, i know that he wont be perfect, he is human but he will match me perfectly! There are lots of guys who would be good for me and who, if i chose to marry, i would have a great marriage and life with. But my question is why settle? Why settle for great when you can have perfect? Why choose to be second when you could be first? Some people have come back with the argument that God doesn't make things clear and if you miss the guy because you are wanting a for sure answer then you will end up alone. Well, whats so wrong about being alone, hey i don't know about you but if i end up chillin with God my whole life that would be gnar! I would rather just be chillin with God because i was too careful than marry the wrong one because i wasen't careful! Don't get me wrong, i have a passion to get married and have kids but i shouldn't need them to make me happy in life! God is enough for me, he can provide that love i long for. God has promised me a husband, i have faith that he will be perfect for me in every way that God wants! I have had my heart broken and know the fickkleness that is love, its even hurting right at the moment, BUT i have the peace that passes all understanding and i am wading in that. So Daddy, please be with my husband today and hold him in Your hands. I pray that he would be continuing to grow and mature in you and that you would lead him on the right paths. I pray that you would provide all the things that he needs and that whatever his hand touches that it would be blessed! I love you Daddy, *kisses* Dawn I hope that this challenges some of your thinking on faith! Be blessed, love you all!

Good things are happening!

2005-09-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

Can i get a God is good! Since i have been home i must confess that i have been a little sad. There are many reasons for this sadness but God is teaching me to trust through it! Today i heard news that made me want to jump for joy! Finally, after a year of not haveing a Sr. pastor for our church we have a new Sr. Pastor... ok, its not 'official' yet but this man is pretty much in! I am excited for the growth that is going to come to SPPA and the plans that God has to use us in a new and exciting way! God also showed me today how many great people that i am going to have around me this year! It is INSANLY GNAR! I am excited for the trials i will be facing and the growth that is going to take place! He has already shown me some of the bodatious doors that he is opening for different people! Loril getting to help out with her youth, Connies job that was put into her lap, Kyle's missions trip comming up and more! So *raises glass* here is to a big bright kick-off to an amazing school year! Be blessed!

I LOVE ENR!

2005-08-31T11:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, i just came out from the best summer of my life! I have had so much revelation about life and God that it is crazy! I am currently getting unpacked, ready for school, and trying to find a job that works! I miss everyone at camp something feirce and i am having a hard time adjusting to home, but i know that God has some great things lined up for this year and i plan on being a part of them! It was cool, this morning as i was haveing God and Dawn time i was fretting over this year and what all it will bring and i was reminded of Ephesians 3:20. God says that He is able to accomplish infinatly more than we would ever dare to ask or hope *does corresponding actions*. That means that if i need money and a job that will get me nursing experience that He will accomplish that not only to what i had wished for but He is going to EXCEED what i had wished for! That lets me know that God has things under control and that He will bring me a job that will exceed my expectations! God has big things planned for me this year and i am excited for where He is taking me! So today Lord, i pray that you would exceed everyones expectations about their life and future! Be blessed all! Sorry that this is babbly! Miss and love you! *kisses*(holy ones that is)

Once was lost...

2005-08-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

This is a song that i had written awhile back that i found.

Hope that you enjoy it!!!

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Here I am fallen

Broken at your feet again

Here I am longing

For your face again

Here i come frail

With my sinful heart

I despise

Here I come saddened

That i have failed once again

But you Lord

You pick me up

and put me back on my path

You use your weak servant

To glorify your name

Glorify your beutiful name

O, they sweet name of Jesus

there is none alike

Blessed sweet adoni

Elshadi, the great I am

Most worthy to be praised

Update

2005-07-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hey All!

I am having a wonderful time here at camp! and God is moving like nothing else! We have had over 400 kids give their lives to the Lord! Praise Jesus! One testimonial is that i had a girl that was a JW in my cabin and she did not believe in christianity. By the end of the week she had given her heart to the Lord and was seeking the truth! AMEN! I have met some awesome people whom i have grown to love and admire! I love you and miss you all! Here is a little tid bit of truth that God has shown me. Do we stop and give Him undevided attention? Where we stop and be silent before him? When we 'weight' on the Lord we gain spiritual muscle! I would encourage anyone to take a peirod of time (longer than an hour) and just give it to God! Anyways time is short and i must go, so i love you all see you when i return! *kisses and hugs* God bless, Dawn

Cuddle Time!

2005-07-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

I come out of the darkness

and into the light

where i once felt abandoned

my heart is lonely no more

You see all of me

all of my follies

foibles and cares

You have faith in me

even when life's not fair

So i am trusting you with my life

i am giving you everything

To lead, guide and teach your daughter

It is a miraculous thought

with no fear, hate or betrayal

just love, warmth and grace

With your arms outstreatched

and your love abundant

i come to you with shame

as i sit on your knee

and ask for forgivness

You gently say,"For what wrong?

I have paid your fee

You are no longer held captive

in the bond of misery."

So i'll rest in your arms

and cuddle up close

For You are the one

that i love the most.

Days Before

2005-06-19T12:22:00.000-07:00

Hey All! I am very very excited to be going to Eagles Nest! In all of my crazyness to fit everything into the time that i have before i go i have felt alot of love and joy. I have had amazing coffee times with friends with deeper conversations which i LOVE! I have realized how protective my uncle Kent is of me, which suprizes me a little bit, but it feels wonderful to feel the love and protection that comes from knowing that he cares that much! How my auntie Laurie put on a breackfast for my dad, me and my sister when my dad told her that he was going to come up for a ball tournament just so that we could see each other. How at church, all i felt way love and joy that so many people came upt to the front to pray for my summer out at Eagles Nest! How God is SO good and faithful to come and meet with me when i started to dance out in worship! For the strength and encouragement that He brings, for people like my pastors and my old pastors that are an encouragement when they don't know it, and of course, for great friends who make me feel amazing when the simple truth is that i am no where close to even good! I love you all and will miss you when i am gone! May Dad richly bless your summers and your lives! See you when i get back! With love, Dawn
Galations 5:6 (this is the last part of the verse) The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Please read Philemon 1: 4-7

Weekend Love

2005-06-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

*sighs* Jesus, has clobbered me in a soft, gentle way this weekend. Let me explain. I was reading about lust last weekend and how i need to make sure that i am not doing anything to make people fall.This is included in dress, attitude and talk. I also came to the huge realization that a kiss is SO much more than just a kiss and that i have been very nieve and fallen in this area. And as i was sitting there in the hammock i felt very convicted of this and was feeling terrible. I mean, who would ever take me as their wife when i have done so many things wrong! How could my loving Father forgive me of my wrongs when i do not deserve anything? At that single moment in time i felt so ugly and just in rags not worthy of a second look. But then i kept reading in my devotional and it came to the part where the writer forgives his fiance that had gone as far as sleeping with random guys in her youth and he looks at her tells her that he loves her no matter what, that it is in the past and that he still wants to marry her! ................... At this point i felt God say that i was loved and forgiven and that I DO have something special about me, and that He doesn't look at what you have done, but at your heart! As i lay in the hammock rocking, it was like my Dad had taken me into His arms and was gently rocking me as i cried, reasurring me that my husband is going to love me for me. For all of my faults and my good points, just like He does. I am sorry, i cannot do the moment justice for it happened spirit to Spirit. All i can say is that i am trying to learn to change my ways and i can only do it with the help of my Daddy. If you listen to the song "Storm" by Lifehouse (....I know that alot of their stuff isen't my personal pick but this ones good) it was the tone of my weekend. Thank-you Jesus for Fresh revelations! Take care!

Kapow, gOD IS GOOD!

2005-06-09T23:14:00.000-07:00

Kapow, God is SOOOO good! This week God has been so overwelmingly amazing! I will start by saying that i have gotten LOTS of work this week and that i am getting paid more than i thought i would! Thank-you Jesus for blessing my finances and my relationship with my older brother whom i work with. Thank-you for a stress-free job where i can go and not think about what i am doing and sing praises at the top of my lungs and get engrosed in worship! *Side note- today i got so engulfed by his presence that i felt that it was only God and i down in the basement we were digging! I love when God loves on me!* The next super AMAZING thing that happened was my friend Ilanas birthday. She had this party at a bar/club thing. Now you have to understand that even though i do not mind bars i have made the decision not to go to clubs and this particular club-bar i really do not like. So i was debating on weather or not to go and even though i really did not want to go i decided to go because this is one of my really good friends! This is the part where God comes in, i was later getting to the place and when i got there i only had to spend 5 min. there before we decided to go back to Ilanas and just talk! Thank-you God for helping in difficult situations! And finally, thank-you Jesus that my week has had days free to see and spend time with my sister of whom i will miss dearly! Hope that you enjoyed our program on the life of Dawn- be blessed and have a fantabulous day!

Moments

2005-06-03T00:06:00.000-07:00

To run, to hide

to vanish far from sight

To admit what i feel

it can't be real

I set myself up

Believed a lie

To be anything but a smuck

How stupid was i

No i am who i am

Akward, ugly, normal

To be anything to anyone

Far fetched to believe

Why heart?

Why go to mush

Did you not learn from before

Did you not see the fall

Curled up, no one around

Tears, no tissue

Love, no outpoor

Like a cold you can't get rid of

there is no blanket, no fire is near

warmth is the farthest thing from you

So Father be my fire

be my light

Soften and gaurd my heart

Your little lamb am I

To dance in the moolight

To gase with the one i love

Dressed in white, o to be that pretty sight

A love with my One on the throne

These things i want

To be loved by You

To love you better than i am in return

To be with the Father on that glorious day

Did you know?

2005-05-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

Did you know that God really loves you? Do you know that he cares? The one above, who created the stars and the earth, loves you. He constantly trips over himself with joy when he watches you. Flaberagsted, twitterpated, deeply in love. My saviour, watching up from above looks down with his soft eyes, smiles and sings sweetly over me, over you. Held in his arms, a feeling...so safe, so warm. It leaves me speechless, only wanting to stay in the sweet smelling fragrance of your grace. Thirsting for you, wanting to dance in your arms he softly calls. Extending his hand gently, sweeping you off your feet as if you are a feather and leading you through the steps of your life in something too beutiful to call your own. Rocking you gently, your head under his chin, and when you drift into a bliss of sleep, he picks you up like a little sheep.

Praise for my King

2005-05-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

My eyes transend to the heavens
my heart becomes your home
the spirit stirs up within me
to a place i call my own

Overwelmed by your great mercies
that i cry out for every day
hushed by that great power
that is your holy name

kneeling down in silence
o how my soul aches inside
singing your great praises
that breaks my selfish pride

make in me a vessle
to be used for your great glory
fill my with love Lord
that i may share your story

God of the heavens
Lord of all the earth
Holy is your glory
in you there is no curse

Praise your name in the heavens
Let us sing of your great worth
Holy are you daddy
King over the earth

so let me learn to love
like you have shown me to love
let me praise your name in heaven
to the glory thats yours above
help me be a servant
and live all my days
only just to praise you
to you my voice i'll raise

The Power of Friends

2005-05-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well, this is something that i have known for awhile but it again hit me this week! Its the power of friendship! This is something that alot of us overlook or take for granted in our lives! I am so thankful for amazing, spirit filled friends; you bless my life SOOOO much (Godly kisses-Meg)! I am even thank-ful for my nonchristian friends who put up with me constantly and have stood by my side even though our views on things differ! I feel favoured that i have been accepted and called friend by those around me! There is a book in the Bible called Philemon (right before Hebrews) that has a little blurb about Paul and his friend! We sometimes underestimate what all friendship brings us, and what it brings God! I know that i am probably butchering this but i hope that you understand basically what i am trying to say! Friendship is awesome; God can use us through friendship to glorify Him by helping others, being someones friend can mean the difference between life and death (in both a physical and spiritual way)! There was this story i read, many have probably read it b4, about a kid who was taking his books home to go and commit suicide and he got pushed down while leaving the school. Someone came and showed Godly love to that person by helping them up and befriending them. In the end the boy didn't commit suicide and went on to become sucessful later in life. Point of the story is that being someones friend is a LIFE-CHANGING experience! So, i am going to try harder, through Christs mercy, to be a better friend by loving them as Christ loves us, and by keeping my eyes open for those who are lonely so i can show them Godly love as well! Again sorry if i butchered this, and a final: Thank-you, i love you guys alot!
P.S. If you are looking for examples of Godly love check out 1 John and 1 Cor 13

Rainclouds turned to light

2005-05-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

My days are filled with sorrow
I am lost in despair
My heart cries out Lord
But it seems unaware

This slump i can't crawl out of
I am too weary to try
In this place i seem so lost
And so i break down and cry

Humbling myself before you
Ashamed to show my face
For i am so unworthy
of your perfect grace

You lift me gently
Out of the pit i put myself in
You rock me gently
and whisper, "your sin is forgiven"

So what am i to do but rejoice
For my loving father lives in heaven!
The great and meciful I AM
More glorious than all the nations

Praises for my father
Rejoice to the glorious king
as i bow down before you
laying my life as an offering

Let your glory fall through the heavens
Let your prasies ring through the earth
Let your people bow before you
As a symbol of your great worth

A question of love

2005-05-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

As i was sitting in my human sexualities class the other day i was shocked at the statistics of immorality concerning sexual orientation and marriage in Canada. It is really scary that there is so much more acceptance of things like bisexuality, cheating on a spouse with the occasional 'fling' and the amount of group sex. Now i know that this is a touchie subject for some people and thats ok. But i think that its time that we as christians stand up and show some Godly love to the people that practice these types of behaviours. Instead of shouting and saying that there bad people (which by the way they are not, they are some of the nicest people you will meet, but there sin is wrong) we need just to show them Godly love and acceptance for who they are as a person. Now don't get me wrong i am NOT saying to accept the sin, but accept the person on the inside and see them how God would see them. Would you dismiss your friend because they got drunk or gossiped about someone? I would hardly think so, so why do we have that veiw toward homosexuals, ect.? In the bible it says that we are NOTHING without love! (1Cor.13) I highly encourage anyone to do a word study on love! There is lots of good things in 1John! We are commanded to love, God holds that commandment in highest priority!-That we love God first and love people second- he said that that was the number one commandment! Notice that there is 2 of them but the 2 are inceperable-if you love God you will love people. Sometimes, as christians, we fudge this up! We look at others with a condemming heart and not one of love, we walk past someone in need and just ignore them instead of lending a loving hand, we judge our fellow brothers if they have fallen instead of helping them with their struggles. Again, i am afraid that i am not doing this justice so if you are interested, pick up your Bible, open it up and find out what all God says on this subject! God bless and have a LOVEly day! Read 1 Peter 3:8

The love of a Father and His daughter

2005-05-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

Turn your eyes upon the one who loves you
Turn your eyes upon the creator
In Him we find our strength
In Him we are made new

His glory abounds in his little child
His grace comes to her gently
His love surrounds her soul
Till the warmth makes her whole

Whispering sweet nothings
and promises in her soul
with anticipation and gratitude
she turns to her king
waiting on the wings of eagles
and flying freely with the joy of the Lord
He turns to her and says, "Well done my daughter"

Listen to me, daughter; look and pay attention. Forget your people and your fathers family. The king loves your beauty. Because he is your master, you should obey him. -Psalm 44:10,11

Radical, are we really?

2005-05-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

I was haveing a conversation about being a radical christian the other day with a friend and came to the conclusion that we as a nation and myself as an individual we are really not. There are so many of us that think that we are radical because we praise really loud in church or help out with the homeless shelters. We give ourselves a pat on the back for 'thinking outside the box' but really,who is witnessing to hindus, or homosexuals, or even the upper class families? Even if we wanted to witness to that group how can we expect God to open doors in those areas is we can even witness to our friends, to the person in the appartment accross from us, or to the 'weird' kid in school who doesn't have any friends? I don't know about you but i know i could do much better. For the people who are doing that already good on you! But for the rest of us who could use more work and want to be radical we have to start at the basics then we can start doing really radical things for Christ! And if we start doing these radical things for Christ we could see CANADA SAVED! Do you know how excited i get when i say that? I just occured to me the other day in my human sexualities class that these people ARE going to hell, and really what am i doing about it? Am i seeking out opportunities thoughout my day and asking God if he wants me to talk to someone or help them with there books and if so who! It is not us who saves people, you need to understand that, that by ourselves we hold no authority BUT if we let God have control of our lives (because he is not going to force his control on us and forse us to open our mouths and witness) and let him do the work! We need to be the vessle for Gods glory! I hope that you all can follow my strange array of thoughts and understand my passion for my confused nation! Read Romans 15:4-8 P.S. Please don't take this the wrong way, being radical is about your heart, not what you do neccisarily! I am simply making observations about myself and our nation that has its heart longing for the wrong things!