Deep Secrets of My Heart

Wow and one half! I wrote this awhile ago and reading it caused a rush of emotion...the same emotion i felt as i dished out this peice. I know that perhaps some of you have felt like this... i am sorry, truely i am~ but know this one thing, there is a God in heaven who loves you so, a God who will never let you go! Let Him love you, let it be true, let Him turn your grey skies into blue! Be blessed, Dawn!

Well, my heart is doing weird things on me! I feel as if my words are getting caught in a trap and comming out all tangled and wrong. It seems that i have the drive to write but nothing is comming out the way i want it to! It is really flusterating! This heart of mine keeps dipping and tossing and turning as to what it desires.... there agian, not desires,.. it knows what it desires, knows what it needs, but it keeps wanting to reach out in ackward directions pulling me from what i know is right... not right but what is for me. I find that its longing for what it knows wont work out of the lonely standpoint its in. So i appologise if my rhymes don't flow eloquently or even understandibly. I have decided that love and boys are for the birds, or mabey they are birds. and my heart is a piece of fake food that keeps on getting peaked and spat out due to the distaste that it leaves in the mouth. Its almost as if my heart or love is poison to those who come into contact with it, either that or its like the pie that your unskilled father tried to make but it came out leaving a discusting taste in your mouth so you just shove the food or my heart around the plate to make it look like your eating when you really aren't. Its being 'polite'. But really its just making me hope, making me wonder, making me doubt that a morsule that lacks as much flavour as i could be eaten by anyone, heck not even the dogs will eat it! So where does this lead me...lonely and blue! Take this and chew on it, perhaps it might save a few!

mmmm... I love that God created me for worship! I was having some stressful days of late where i was ready to break down and one of my wonderful friends Meaghan invited me over to her place just to sleep and get away. I didn't get much sleep but felt better in the morning... went with her to school, sat in on a really good psych class and got alot of work accomplished! I was feeling like i needed to go and tinker on the piano... like i needed to release something! So i went downstairs to the piano rooms and Meaghan saw me and came with~ So i tinkered for a bit just to get rid of my fidgets and then Meaghan played... now i have to say that my beutiful friend Megs is very VERY annointed, she has a beutiful voice that follows the Lords lead.... so she starts playing and the Holy Spirit just comes into the room full force! We sang, we danced, and God held me, let me cry, filled me with love and peace and watched the 'me' part of me die! I can't explain it... we had a moment when my friend left... just God and I! He filled my lips with a new song of praise... He let my heart break, and picked up the peices again. Just holding me. Letting me be caught in His embrace! I wish i could explain the great vastness that is my wonderful, holy, magnificent, omnipotent, healing, protecting, providing Lord! We went deeper together and there are no words to describe how wonderful and addicting it is! All i want...His preasence, all i need, His presence. All i am or ever will be is in Him. Be blessed! And try taking some time... just you and the King~ Its worth ever second!

Will no one else help? That is my cry! I have had the honor of being able to mentor a coupple AMAZING girls over this past year and it has been a HUGE blessing in my life! However, i find myself lately seeing SO many... no that doesn't explain the vastness of this... the COPIOUS amounts of young guys and girls who are CRYING OUT for someone to help! I want to be able to help all of them but i can't, i would not being doing any good if i had lots of kids... they wouldn't get the time that they need! But at the same time... it breaks my heart to see them all alone, standing on the edge ready to jump! It says in the bible that 2 are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up (Ecc. 4:9,10)! If the children and youth today are our greatest assets then why are we ignoring their cries? Why does no one step to the plate and say, "I want to get to know you, i want to share my knowledge and wisdom with you! I want to see you FLOURISH!" Is it because of our own selfishness? Perhaps. Is it because of our pride...that we don't want them to go further than we? Perhaps. Is it because of our lack of wisdom? Perhaps. Mabey we don't see it? No.. we just don't want to see it! I am reminded of a song by Out of Eden called "Sarah Jane" expressing this same thing! There are hurting people around you and as a quote from Save the Last Dance "Open up your pretty brown eyes and look around"!... Thats the one side of it... is most of us just don't do it! The other... sometimes even more detrimental side is that we do it but do a really crappy job! We accept the way they are, mabey don't give the time that it requires (for it is a sacrifice of time and energy), mabey we are in it to glorify ourselves "oh look i am a mentor" kind of thing, or mabey we push too far...as in "change or i wont be there for you"! All of this is bad! All that its doing is saying 'i don't love you' or 'i will only love you if...', 'you aren't worth my time', 'you don't matter', 'your worthless'. You think that your not saying anything to these kids when you pass them by? You thought wrong! You just implant those words of dealth into their life further...deeper. Now.. i am not saying that you should accept where they are at... but you should prod them on in love, love means accepting who they are, love sometimes means saying this isen't good for you, love means giving help when they need and ask for it! I pray that we can grasp this, not only for our own sake but for the sake of our children, for the sake of our country, for the sake of our world! And above all else... if you do or are a mentor... do it on Gods strength, let Him lead you, be filled with HIS love.. because ultimatly, thats the only thing that matters! Remember that withut love... we are nothing (1 cor. 13)! Sorry, i know that this is a long babble!) Hope that you are blessed and challenged by this! Love, Dawn

Will this ever happen?
Will my heart not stop hurting?


Attention is not what i seek
the spotlight holds no interest


So help me to listen
that my life my unfold


Your guidance and wisdom
Your love so amazing


So here it is Lord
to take hole


Here's my heart Lord
holds all of its desires


Father, here is your child
Father hear my cry


You are my Father
Your love overflows
Being held by your grace


Help me to be like You
and sing out Your praise!