Deep Secrets of My Heart

just stop. just be with me. let me love you. and have you sit on my knee.

stop stiving. just rest. soak in my presence. and be blessed.







curled up. its just You and me. i am being held. loved. cared for. there shouldn't be this fear. i shouldn't be afraid. but i know that in You, i can be brave. my heart is here. its a little tattered. sorry that its not so pretty. sorry that its not more lovely. its all i have. its all i own. its here to take. its here to hold. in my mind i know that you will take good care of it. but its been beat up before. left so cold and alone. but You. You aren't like the rest. You don't rape. You don't steal. You don't decieve. You gently take my heart. holding it near. its by your gentle touch. that drives out my fear. i fall back. on all that is You. knowing your softness will catch me.its true. so i will rest here. i will soak in. Glory to Your name Lord. its by Your name that we will win. taking this moment. drinking it in. sitting with You. gets me to grin. watching the sunset. feeling Your glow. knowing Your near me. wherever i go. things whisp away. all there is is You. Your really all i want Lord. Your love is so true.

One thing that has hit me the past coupple days is how much i am not up to snuff... but how much God uses me anyway.... i don't have to be perfection, i am not horrible for not being (as megs would say) "spiritual" enough.... my writing doesn't even have to be good. God loves it.... just like parents love the drawings that their children give them.... are they good in the worlds standards? no. do they mean the world to the parents? yes! Thats what God wants. thats what He needs~ its what He LOVES....

I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:27

*enter medical students from left corner* Welcome one and all to Dawn's rehab center! This center is only for severe cases and to be admitted you must be at risk! As of today we only have one patient to show you, but there have been a many come through our doors! Lets start with case number one... its really quite sad, she has been here for 19years! *gasps all around the room* yes, she has been our worst of cases... rapid toung tricks, typed out movements and incredible word fumbles! I warn you.. please do not feed her... she has a tendancy to bite and be vicous with spoons! We have some new additions planning to arrive here soon~ One girl, patient 150983 has a severe case and will be admitted to our BAHG and FACWC... which of course is Bloggers Addiction Help Group and Frosting and Cake Withdrawl Course! I am pretty sure that for the first day or so we will have to have her on a bag vanilla froster for an IV... sad i know *students take notes and nod intently*~ Our next case, patient number 181083 has a mixture of HTS and CEED (compulsive eating of elephants disorder, which of course leads to obesity). Let me tell you... we had to cut out the wall for this guy, we will probably have him on a stricked regiment of spoons and ESTSH (electro-shock therapy for the severly holywood)! We may have to beat this one into shape! However, this patient is ALWAYS tired... so we must force camination until early morning to help the process along~ ...and our final possible arrival is patient is 1988. Its quite an interesting case... she has a hormone, aggritonin, in her body that attracts all things sharp to jump out at her... therefore hurting her and causing palpitations in the process.... she also has FFW (facination for windows) and frequently gets caught in these glass cages of emotion! It doesn't not stop there folks... she also has delirious episodes where she thinks that patient 181083 is inside her head! We plan to do an emergency cranialoptopy to remove the voice... Ursula even gave us her shell to extract this voice and give it back to patient 181083! After that she will be forced to the 'cloud room' where there are no sharp objects, just padding until the medication, batchbrowniefil, passes through her system to remove this dreadful hormone! After that she will enter our EWWP (emergency window withdrawl program) were she will learn to live 'outside of the box'...or window in this case! Well.... i hope that you enjoyed learning about our different programs and hope that you will consider us in the future! Be blessed and have a wonderful rehabilitated day!
I definatly have to say that this is one of my best posts yet!

Ok. So i have kind-of have had a difficult week. I was on the maternity floor all this week in various parts (postpartum, labour and delivery and ICN)... first i must explain that i have an incredibly soft bleeding heart for children~ with that said here it goes.... my days postpartum were difficult when i came across miscariages and a new mother and baby where the father had been murdered... the injustice of a little baby not ever getting to know his father? It makes my toes curl~ However, the thing that got me the most was today in ICN (neonatal intensive care). One of my patients was a normal, slightly pre-term baby. She was gorgeous and captured my heart with her first morning sigh...... wondering why she was there i dove into her case. this is what i found. BOTH her parents are addicted to cocaine.... ok, i can deal with that.......her mom used WHILE she was pregnant....ok making me mad. this little one is having tremmors, is needing to be on morphine, is acutly uncomfortable and her life is at stake because her vitals are all over the map......next ugly peice of info i got was that her parents refuse to stop using....WHAT? How can this be? How could anyone not want to... for their BABY!.... as i sat there stunned by this fact another wave hit me as the social services lady continued to bash more dispicable words, "Her parents haven't come in in days, probably wont, and even if they did, we can't give the child to them. She is going to foster care".....*cringes* i dislike the foster system. (right now i want you to take a moment) ..... i almost broke down... i was angry, i was sad..... i realized that the contact that myself and the rest of the nursing staff were giving her were the ONLY contact that this beutiful little princess was getting...... i almost cried as i picked her up and just snuggled her for 3 hours..... i prayed for her.... i wared in the heavenlies on her behalf....i am pretty sure i would have tried to adopt her if i knew that i could provide for her..... i rocked her...... i sang songs for her.... we bonded....and my heart broke.
When i left it tore me appart.... i waited until i was in the locker room and let my tears fall for her.... Father, i have so much, and she has nothing! Really, think about this.... about this precious babe..... she may not get the opportunities that you have gotten..... so please....be thankful for something, ANYTHING today... and post it in your comment, for little emma. I am too heartbroken to think....so this is the end. Pray for her, and those just like her because even though her situation is royally rotten, i believe that God can perform miracles! Be blessed, be thankful, i love you all~
P.S. Sorry if this dosen't make sense.... my head is in my heart.... my heart has sunken to my feet. Hopefully you get something out of it!

Daddy where are you?
please don't fail me
are You seeing where i am at?
do You see that i need to be set free?

all i want is You
i thought i made that clear
but all i know is fog
and that Your presence is no longer near

glimpses of hope
of what could be
i am not longer satisfied
with selfish me

i have fallen
i have failed
i have ashamed Your honor
and when things came i bailed

not sure what You can do
with such an ugly smuck as i
is it even possible to use this vessel
to bring You glory by and by

You can do anything
this much is true
You are all powerful
and You make me new

so please come and be with me
please make me new
fill me with passion
and Your spirit so true

i come to You this hour
down on my knees
asking for forgiveness
its then i feel Your breeze

You call me daughter
and run to me
it through Your grace
that i am set free

I need to expalin my picture surrounding this.... its me, i have fallen and got back up... i have chains... i feel heavy...i am in a deep, cold, foggy hole in the ground....its dark, i can't see much...i try by myself to find a way out, despiratly, fantically clawing at the muddy earth that surrounds me.... there is no way, i cannot see enough to know which way is safe... i hardly know what is up.... its then i look down... i see this grime that has so covered me.... i am stunned... shocked to see it there... my shock turns to horror... disgust at the way i look, the way i feel...... my emotions over-run my senses, i am caught in my own whrilwind... i break..... i break into deep, powerful.. almost purposful sobs of anguish, misery, sadness........ i stay there, fearing what is oout in front of me, fearing what is inside of me.... i cry out..... the weight starts to lift....i cry out again....it lifts again... it is here i stand for quite some time..... in this bond with dejection.... waiting....hoping.... staying..... as these tears of sorrow fade, so does my fog..... i look down..... i am suprised.... i am clean one again... the chains are gone....i look up and see the way to go....i see my Father, standing..... waiting.... longing to lend His hand..... it is then i realize that i am in a jungle.... i would like to say far from home.... but this is neither the case.... for i am in beutiful skins.... my Father whispers come.... i take my rod and head toward Him..... as i near the top, with my heart filled with adoration, joy, laughter.....renewal.... my Father anounces that His beutiful warrior pricess has arrived.... with great splendor.... with honor... i take my place my Father has set out for me..... has hand chosen....hand woven.... to be just for me..... so what do i do you ask?..... i go to my rightful place.... to the place He has set for me.... a beutiful banquet is thrown in His honor.... i stop to recognize the mistirous beuty.... the night has set in... the scene is bubbling with joy and laughter.... the trees are high.... the area is a vibrant shade of green with splashes of coulorfull, exotic flowers set in place... a quiet, petit water fall....the water seems to crash upon the rocks in a vigorus, potent and quiet way...this leads into a beutiful shade of bleu oasis...there is a fire at the centre.... stars all around... a twinkle....a glisening in our eyes...and in my thankfullness.... in this joyus heart that He has bestowed on me... i do the only thing i can in my outflow of thankfullness and gratitude.... i dance for my King..... the night is o so joyous... so amazing...so perfect.

Sorry guys... i know its long... i hope that you enjoyed it! Be blessed, may you week shine bright, love you all!

I wrote this just the other day... God pulled me away from study and completely surrounded me in His love! I am pretty sure it was to get me through my nutzo coupple of weeks! I love dancing with the Lord...you should really try it one day! Be blessed by it guys! Love you all!
~~~~~~~

On Daddy's shoes i stand
My Daddy's pretty tall
On Daddy's shoes i stand
as we dance through the hall

He leads me to where we want to go
never lets me down or makes me feel small
all my weight He carries
and never lets me fall

I look up at Him
while He smiles down on me
His warmth and grace
just lets me be me

what could i do
without my Lord?
where would i be
if you haden't shed your blood to set me free?

Hold me in Your arms
i rest in Your sweet presence
all i want is more of You Lord
until i am drenched by Your fragrance

So hold me.mold me.use me. fill me.
I am Yours, Yours alone
to You may the Glory be
Your precious blood has set me free

I need to start out by saying that this week has been amazing so far~ I was studying for exams on monday when God completely broke me and gave me revelation.... geuss what? God IS first in my life.... I always doubt that, but its really true. I was reading in Exodus and it hit me... i really don't want to go anywhere where God isen't!! (i actually have this as a song!)

when i awake at dawn.
or lay my head to rest.
i want to be,
i want to be moved by You.

i want to smell Your sweet fragrance.
i want to see Your glory.
come and touch,
come and touch our hearts oh God.

come in all Your splendor.
show us Your grace and mercy.
be glorified,
be glorified in me today!

I just want more of the Lord...
i just NEED more of the Lord.

You are so great.
You are so good.
Your love so amazing.
so faithful and true

He wont ever lead me astray
He holds my hand
He guides me with truth
throughout the land

His blood was shead
to wash us clean
its by this blood
that i'm set free

You were (you were, you were)
You are (you are, you are)
You (you)
will always be