Deep Secrets of My Heart

So lately i have been thinking about support systems~ This is probably due to school in that with every clinical situation that a nurse looks at there is always some aspect of support; whether that be a support group or support from families or you as the nurse lending support through the healing process.

From their i took a joust at my own life and all its happenings... looking at what's healthy and what's not healthy. From this i see 2 extremes: 1) support via friends and 2) support via self-sufficient methods.

Lets take a look at support via friends. Now, i know what some are thinking... friends are good, you want to have supportive friends to help you in your walk. This is true... a wise lady once told me that she can tell who you are by the friends you have.... friends can make a BIG difference in life. The extreme that i am looking at is instead of friends as supports, one uses friends as lifters and carriers. What i mean by this is that sometimes we put all of our weight on our friends, expecting that they can carry us and all of our baggage; expecting that they wont let us down, dissapoint us or hurt us. .... Perhaps our friends can even carry us for a length of time... but eventually they fall or have to let us down due to pure exhaustion! So, in our need we find another person to carry us cause we think we can't walk on our own and we are afraid to let go of the 'grounding' baggadge that we have carried for so long.

If you find yourself the 'weight' in situation one geuss what? You CAN do this... believe it or not you CAN stand on your own! Take care! Their is one that can carry ALL of your weight plus more! His name is Jesus, He is one that will never hurt you, never leave you nor forake you! Yes, its scary to trust in Him, however you will spare alot of lost friendships, hurt and pain if you go to Him! If you find yourself the carrier..... stop. I know you WANT to help your friend and its good to support them (ie. love on em) but its not good for you or your friend for you to be carrying their weight. This does not mean that when they fall that you can't lend a hand (the bible talks about woe is the man who falls and doesn't have anyone to help him up) it doesn't mean that you can't help occationally with carrying a burden to the Lord (anyone recognize that one?), encouraging them, lifting them in prayer. These are all good things... but there is a danger zone when you take the role that only God alone can fill! He does it best! Do you trust that God will take care of your friend that you care for so much? I know... its a tough statement to swallow... Will you love them when they have fallen for the 800th time? Will you be there for them if they react in offense and be able to love them in spite? Tough questions. Sometimes this offense will come accross in anger, like you are doing something wrong, like you have failed them adn should feel horrible for doing so. Please... don't reciprocate this. They are usually reacting because they are hurt, no its not all you. It takes 2 to be in a relationship.... it takes 2 to have a fight or in extreme cases end the friendship. Do not take ALL the blame. However, one must be sensitive to the other, pointing out their faults is not going to do anything, blaming it all on them wont do it either. The Bible talks about turning and offering your other cheek! Right now, they need your love and support more than ever, even though they may not realize or even want it for that matter. Keep going, your words ARE making a difference, be encouraged!

Now, for the next support extreme... can i get a "whoop whoop" for the independants in the house? lol Ok, i admit, alot of times i get stuck in this one... the "i can do it on my own", "i don't want to burden anyone with this", or "I can only rely on God cause He wont ever let me down like people" types. Even Jesus had diciples or a 'support' per say. Now, for those of you saying 'but Jesus only relied on God', yes that is true. I am not saying to that you must rely on people, that would be foolish. However, fellowship is a wonderful thing and it can be tapped into. Where there is light darkness flees.... you see that when you go into a room, you can have the smallest light but where that light shines darkness is not there! It is the same when you bring your burdens into the light. It does not have to be a lonely struggle. Should you expect your friends to be perfect, no. Should you rely on them as your source of healing, no. BUT they do aide the process. Notice how it says in the Bible that where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name there I will also be.... this does not say one... it says 2 or 3. Not saying that God wont meet you where your at, or that their MUST be others involved but it brings a powerful (exponentially) aspect to it.

Anyway, those are my thoughts! I thought i would stop there due to the length of it! It actually is something i would like to speak about one day! Perhaps i will... but for now, i hope that you enjoyed it! Be blessed and have a fantastic day!~

Hey all! I would just like to anounce that it is Josh's birthday today! You may wish this amazing man happy birthday but please ladies... hands off, he IS taken! So hun, enjoy your day... you deserve it just for you! You rock my socks and blow me away EVERY day! Thank-you for the blessing you are and will continue to be! Thank-you for your heart, your joy, your strength, your laughter, your patience, your willingness! Its so wonderful! May this day and the upcoming year be full of blessing! May God be in your heart and life and may you walk with Him always! Love ya!

Well, today is cold and rainy and the last thing i feel like doing is my homework and studying for finals! So here i am writing to you lovely folks! In church today pastor talked about us being the salt of the earth... now i know most of you (especially if you have grown up in the church) know that yes, we are supposto be the salt of the earth.... BUT even though it seems like not much could come out of this i got HUGE revelation on it! It could be just because i am in nursing but i looked at salt from a medical point of view~ What do you do to a blister that has poped or a cut that you want to heal? You soak it in salt water! Now, i have had to do this many times and its not the most pleasant experience in the world... and that is especially true if the wound is infected or open. Alot of poeple who haven't met Jesus have those wounds, they have been hurt somehow, whether self-inflicted or not, and when the "salt of the earth" comes around (a.k.a. people with Christ inside) then it hurts! What do people do when it hurts or stings? The pull away from it! So what made you keep your hand in the stingi salt water as a child? I know for me it was my mom.... someone i trusted... someone that, even though it was painful, trusted that she knew what was best.... someone that loved me and had proven that love over and over again..... someone that didn't want me to change but just to be healed... and in that process of healing was changed! ....Let me say that again... in that PROCESS of healing i was CHANGED! ......
I wondered how many times i was shocked and disappointed that people that didn't have Jesus reacted badly to the "salt" living in me? How many times have i forgotten the importance of process and love? My prayer is that i grasp this.... then mabey a few more will be able to stand the salt and heal because of it! Be blessed and have an awesome day!

Update on School: 1 Poster presentation, a poster eval, and 4 finals! WHOOHOO!

Now before the shocks and gasps, yes, i am taking 15min to post! I had an interesting revelation today! My walk, my calling is not going to get easier with time. Just let that sink in... This life that i live, what i am called to sacrifice, the steps OUT of the comfort bubble.... they are going to increase! Just as with all things in life, we learn, we are challenged, we overcome! BUT it doesn't stop there, no, you go into a cyclical spin getting higher and higher..... getting closer and closer to God! On this journey you have to leave some things becuase you reach points where you CAN'T cary it any longer.... wheather this is pain, "needs" or wants, YOU(in a sense)! I know my calling, i AM called to ministry and not 'normal life' ministry (if anything can be considered normal)! On this journey, its like you are going up those parkade spirals.... you don't know whats around the corner, you don't know if there will be an opening or how that opening will work, sometimes you feel as if you can't go on, BUT you keep climbing anyway~ You face obsticals, and overcome them, but they seem to increase the further up you go, you feel as if you don't have the strength due to the fatigue you feel. Sometimes you stop and rest, sometimes you stagger backward, sometimes you have that glorious level of sunshine, fresh air and refreshing! In the end, when we finally meet our glorious maker we will look at the path, look at Him and say "it was worth it"!
Radical life doesn't mean fun life, dosen't mean safe life, doesn't mean easy life.... it DOES mean a fulfilling life, a rewarding life! Want next level blessing? It may mean you may have next level walking... it increases as you increase in skill.... in fruit!
So it means i must learn, i must grow if i want the things of God as i say i do.... i must content, i must perserver in the midst of chaos...... i will run the race, i will overcome!

P.S. Update on school: 1 poster project, 3 papers, a self eval and 4 finals to go!!! I am almost there guys! YAAAAA! I can actually BE friends with you soon!!! Its SO exciting! HAve a great thanksgiving! Muchlov to all of you!